Beached Whale

Bathing suit shopping.  Most women cringe because they know they will be stuffing their self-conscious, unforgiving bodies in spandex...Most husbands panic or even fake illnesses because they know their credit card bill will sky rocket or will be asked, "Does this make me look fat?" That is...unless you are Eva Longoria or Katie Holmes...or me.  HA!

I had to endure this painful situation today.  Luckily my husband thought I was just getting my oil changed in my car and I took Bestie T along for a good laugh.  Here's what we found!


Ima do my country a favor and not attempt this little number.  You're welcome for my patriotism!


There is so much fabric in the rump, my bum looks like a flat tire.  That suit definitely did not make the cut! But it was a good chuckle.  Especially trying to peel the blasted thing off...Poor Bestie will most likely bill me for therapy Monday!

Don't even get me started with this one.  It's like Golden Girls meets Spring Break 1997.  I thought the v-neck would be slimming.  Turns out it's just a giant arrow pointing out my lady hips and stupid knobby knees.  PASS.

Nope.  Nada.  Never.  (PS-the peacock number on the left was over $100!)



Work it Bestie T.  That elastic waist band is certainly slimming.  Good thing you found that on the clearance aisle...

One king size package of M&M's later (to boost my spirits!) and our last store...I finally found the bathing suit!  For so long I have had to wear a maternity bathing suit-- two years of being preggo!-- that I discovered I didn't even really know what size I was.  And I was a lot smaller than I realized!  God bless Bestie T for that!

Once we moseyed through the exercise DVD aisle (and no, I didn't buy a DVD this time...ha!), we found this 'cookbook'.  I almost died.  Do you know what it's mimicking?  50 Shades of Grey!  I could not believe it, so I opened the book!  Not only were the recipes nasty but the directions and ingredients were super perverted and extremely X-rated!  And the back cover picture is a naked guy holding the chicken to cover...his chicken!  Hysterical!  I'll stick to Ree Drummond's Pioneer Woman.

Here's the winning number!  Isn't she a doll?  So excited!

Just keep swimming!  Just keep swimming!  Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming!

xoxo Summer