Lather, Rinse, Pray, Repeat.

It's two days til my surgery and unbeknownst to me, a shadow has been looming over me.  Today it made its' grand appearance.  In my shower. 

I kept telling myself in these past few days that "I've had surgery before and everything has been fine.  Doctors are smarter than me and they know what they're doing.  I didn't freak out like this when I had my gall bladder taken out (come to find out there's waaaaaaaay more to that surgery than my vsg!) so why freak out now?!"  All that positive self talk jazz.

Tonight I kissed my children goodnight for the last time for (at least ) 4 days and went to my hot, waiting shower.  And I fell apart.  I cried and I cried and I cried and I sobbed and I prayed and I prayed and I prayed. 

Then my entire life in this house all made sense.  It was less than 6 years ago I found God again and he made my world right side up.  And in this shower I have prayed my hardest I have ever prayed for anything-- just me, God and hot water washing away tears.  Tears for....  Lost jobs.  Lost babies.  Lost (almost) marriages.  Finding God.  Answered prayers.  Losing Caddy.  Unexpected blessings.  Happy surprises.  Saved marriages.  Pitiful medical diagnosis.  Promising solutions...This shower is my prayer room.  In this steamy, wet rectangle of tile I have poured my heart and soul out into prayer over and over until my lips knew every syllable of every word of what I begged God for.  And he answered every. single. one.  Sometimes not exactly as I had planned but such is life.  This is God's road map.  We are just the exit signs.  Sometimes there's detours. 

In this shower tonight I was so so so scared that something would happen to me during my surgery and recovery.  Turtle clung to me for dear life when I kissed him and sang him his bedtime song.  Bee asked me if I didn't come back who would take her to school in August or sing her 'angels'.  OH.  MY.  GOSH.  That is heavy stuff.  And in that shower I prayed NOT that God would get me through this week, but that he would take care of the hearts of my sweet, innocent children should something go south.  

A wave of emotion washed over me again and I about drowned on tears and water drops, realizing 6 short years ago my grandmother left us to be with Jesus and I was NOT prepared for it.  I was filled with warmth and I knew she was with me.  Was she telling me I was going to be ok?  Are the kids going to be ok?  "WHAT IS GOING TO BE OK?" I cried through the soap and shampoo.  Grandmother always told me Doughty women are strong.  She's right.  That's all the confirmation I needed that everything is going to work out. God will provide for us the best way he knows how to and no matter what storm comes HE will get us through.  She loved and lost so much in her life and yet she died with a smile on her face.  I can only pray the Good Lord grants me that same grace.

I sat there in the shower repeating prayer after prayer, God slowly lifting the nasty fog free from my face and allowing me to see rationally.  As I toweled off I felt 400% better knowing God had heard me.  Thank God for that shower!

As I was getting dressed I could only imagine what 'Come to Jesus' meeting I'll have next in my prayer room but I know no matter what the Father Above has my back!  

Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not me dismayed, for I am your God. 
I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you wiht my righteous right hand.

Where is your prayer room?
XOXO Summer