A is for Apple

It's that time of year again.  "Bestie K" and I sat scarfing down our Subway sandwiches and reflecting on what 'excites' a teacher.  Here's our grand list!

You know you're a teacher when:

You correct children at Wal-Mart.  Stranger's children.  The kid in the card aisle who is screaming, flailing, and running who should know better.  A few dirty glares might also be common...

The smell of a new box of crayons gives you goosebumps.

You leave school for the day, and lock your classroom with your house key.  Every.  Day.

You literally give a ROUND of applause at a sporting event, concert, or dance recital....

You can name 15 uses for corn starch.  Or salt.  Or what stains a Clorox Wipe can remove.  Or hair spray.

You accidentally have 3 Sharpies or Vis A Vis in your purse.

"Teacher Talk" to your significant other.  I cannot tell you how many times I have asked Husby if he has to "go potty one more time" before we leave our house.  I wish I could document the look he gives me.

You horde immense amounts of post its.  Or note pads.  Or Expo markers.

You correct people's grammar.  Always.  Including your Mother.

Coloring books become amazing (and cheap) therapy.  Until you realize said Husby is a better color-er than you.

At a fancy restaurant, much to your dining companion's horror, you give a cheer when you find out they have light ranch.

You line your groceries up in ABC order when you check out at the grocery store.

You re-read Charlotte's Web every year just 'cause.

That's my list!  What makes you a teacher?
XOXO Summer

No shoes, No shirt, No service!

I hate Wal-Mart.  Have I ever told ya'll that?  Oh yes, at least 100 times.  Well now I have a dang good reason not to ever show my face there again!

Bee is doing SO good at her potty training.  SO good in fact, I was super confident about taking her in the car and into the store sans pull up.  Ya'll, she was SO excited!  We pottied one last time before we left the house.  I ran to check on napping brother (YES, Husby was home with him) while she was getting her shoes out of her room.  Ya'll I'm going to stop you right there and say this.  Just because a toddler is putting something ON, doesn't mean they won't take something off.  Just sayin...

We head to Wal-Mart, I am beaming.  My 'big girl' didn't pee herself in her car seat.  We were so excited about how grown up she looked in her pretty dress and sandals.  She even brought in her purse.

I went all through the store grabbing what I needed, not really paying attention to Bee...she always entertains herself.

We head down the baby aisle...Bubba needed shampoo...that's when IT happened.  My grown-up, lady like, well behaved two year old stood up in the basket, lifted up her dress, and revealed to the entire Wal-Mart world what she was NOT WEARING.  Oh, and she yelled WHEE as loud as she could.  (Trust me, this girl echoes!)

Once I picked my jaw up off the grimy floor, I managed to shove her back in the basket and attempt to cover her 'parts' up.  I am flustered, fumbling, and trying to think of some excuse to blurt to the hillbillies next to me... which they oddly don't seem to surprised that my daughter is not wearing anything... but a dress...and a purse.  OH MY WORD.

Practically running to the checkout it hits me she must have taken off her panties in her bedroom when she was putting on her shoes.  Sure enough, there they were, in a little ball...in her play kitchen sink.  Remind me to never ask her to cook me anything....Bless her heart!

My grandmother always taught me there was a silver lining to everything.  Reflecting on our afternoon, I can say this. 1.)  Praise GOD she didn't poop at Wal-Mart! 2). I will always always always have an extra set of Dora undies in my purse.  ALWAYS.



What item of clothing did you forget to wear to Wal-Mart?
XOXO Summer

Chicken Gristle Road, TX

I was folding laundry today and somehow found myself reading the labels of some pants.  Did you know the Levi Strauss's headquarters is on Battery Street?  Isn't that a weird name?

I got curious, as ya'll know I often get...what other random street names exist in the good ol U. S. of A?.......

Cannibal Road in California

Peppermint Road (actually here in Sand Springs...Husby and I were actually looking at a house on that street, wouldn't that be FUN to live on a Peppermint Road?  It would be like living in Candy Land!  Except the house was a tad creepy and the neighbors had a dog the size of a horse.  And not a mini one...)  I digress.

Waterdragon Road in Hollywood!

Gungywamp in Connecticut...

Cow Shed Road in Oklahoma

Licking Hole in Virginia...gross....

Pooh Bear Drive in Missouri (LOVE it!)

Stuck Street in New York-- avoid that one in the winter!

Jesus Road and Demon Street in Pennsylvania (wouldn't that be awkward if they intersect?!)

And lastly, my favorite:


Digestion Drive.  I definitely plan on finding where that street resides and opening a chili restaurant.  Immediately.

What crazy city streets are in your pants?  Or shirt?
XOXO Summer

Cloud 9

Sobakawa Cloud Pillow.  Ever heard of it?  Bestie T bought one today and showed me it's amazing pillow-yness.  LOVE!  "It can be heated up or cooled!"  Awesome!  I wish my pillows did that!

We took the 'directions' to the pillow to dinner.  Lucky her, we actually read the instructions and they probably SAVED HER LIFE.  Seriously.

The directions literally say:

The fabric and enclosed beads are flammable.  Do not expose this product to open flames or and direct or indirect high temperature ignition source such as burning operations...

Our jaws dropped by this point.  A PILLOW is flammable?!  Is that even legal?  Then she kept reading:

Once ignited, fabric will burn rapidly  releasing great heat and consuming oxygen at a high rate.  

Oh great!  Please buy two more!  I can't believe you spent $40 on one of these death clouds!

In an enclosed space (like a bedroom?!) the resulting deficiency of oxygen will present a danger of suffocation to the occupants.   Amazing.

Hazardous gasses released by the burning fabric can be incapacitating or fatal to human beings if inhaled in sufficient quantities.  WTF!?!?

The pillow's  warning label continues to caution that no one under the age of 14 should use this pillow.  I'm assuming the pillow company imagines some responsible kid using it?  They need to realize something about the consumers they sell these pillows of heaven to.  Bestie T once tried to cook couscous in a rubbermaid container in a microwave.  True story.  I'm not sure if she meets the requirements of the "14 and up rule."  Just sayin.

In all fairness to my sweet Love, she has had a ghastly time trying to sleep and I truly hope this pillow helps more than it harms.  I laid my head down on it this afternoon and it was comfortably divine!  I just hope the dear girl doesn't go up in a ball of flames!

What flammable things have you encountered today?
XOXO Summer

Hello, my name is....

Watching the weather last night was an unusual source of entertainment for me. Bear with me, I had been around two children under the age of two allll day!

Husby and I found ourselves fascinated by some of the small town names in Oklahoma. Ones you never hear about (unless a tornado is headed straight towards it...).

Here are some we learned!

Slaughterville (nothing as romantic as a postcard from Slaughterville, Ok!)

Hogshooter (bacon!!!)

Jumbo, an old mining town which ironically has about 11,000 people in it... This is assuming my google researching skills are accurate! 

Cookietown (yes, we are most definetely moving there!)

Okay (which I am assuming is just...well...okay). 

Pink (ohmiword, it is my favorite color! Oklahoma just moved up a notch on my coolness scale!)

And lastly my dear friends, wait for it. I almost died... 

HOOKER. You may now pick your jaw up off the floor.  Are you ready for the super bonus?  Cross your legs so you don't pee!

Their mascot is: Hooker Horny Toads. 

I have no amazing words to follow that one. Just pure elation and relief I was a Stillwater Pioneer. Not quite sure how I would explain Hooker Horny Toad to strangers. I mean, I already throw people through a loop when they first meet me. Why add fuel to that loud mouthed fire??

Happy Saturday! We are watching Pocohantas in our jammies. 

XOXO Summer

Ramblings

Ramblings!  Ready?  GO:

.

This wanker.  Who posts random weird crap on a nice car???  My favorite is the bottom one:" WWJD?  Not tail gate."  Ironically his top speed in his COROLLA was a whopping 9 MPH and tailgating isn't the word I would describe my reaction to being stuck behind this creep...more like bumper punching...

Had meetings at school this week so our ah-mazing 2nd momma baby sitter, Jessi, had the kiddos.  I told Turtle to SMILE! and this is what I got.  SWOON!


Husby has been busting his behind helping our good friends build a retaining wall in their back yard.  Bless his heart he wore a white undershirt and forgot sunscreen...needless to say he has quite a redneck tan line.  THEN, the next day he didn't wear a shirt at all and attempted to put on sunscreen by himself....let's just say it looks like a blind, armless, stoned armadillo applied SPF 50 to his back...hysterical!  I told him to be positive, at least only 1/3 of his back will avoid skin cancer....


You know you've hit 'Hollywood' when small town Moore and Shawnee make the Today show.  Al Roker was some what amusing to me, trying to stumble thru rubble and act like he knew how Oklahoman's handle twisters.  Dude, Toby Keith said it best.  "We've been hit before.  This one was just a bad one.  We will be ok."


Look close.  That's right.  I'm walking a weenie dog..and a cat.  I was taking Bentley for a walk (over a mile trek!).  I was 1/4 into our little adventure when I heard an Elmo sneeze (bless his heart, he has allergies...Husby tells me he is allergic to himself...)  Elmo literally followed right beside me and the dog for the whole mile.  It's safe to say our neighbors officially think I'm nuts.


Saw this at Mardels yesterday.  I ordered it on Amazon.  Pretty sure several people have bets on how long it actually will take for me to learn to 'think first and then speak'.



Yesterday evening was spent lounging in the sun with my sweet neighbor and her kiddos.  She has three boys (OMG!) and they ah-dore Bee!  The oldest carries her around and is her body guard.  Here he is taking her for a spin on his bike trike thing?!  (Apparently I really need to clue in on boy's toys...Turtle just plays with Bee's dolls and necklaces....uh oh...)  Anyways he let Bee steer the bike for a while and she was on cloud 9!


Turtle giving Cadillac a snuggle :)


Peanut butter is gross when it covers 94% of one's body.  Trust me, I will most definitely think twice before giving Bee a banana and peanut butter for dessert again!


Bestie Houston sent me this tonight.  No words.  I lie.  Maybe 2.  Pure elation.

Sorry for the absenteeism in the past few days.  Life has been cah-raaaazy round these parts.  I promise to try harder!

XOXO Summer

Questionable TV

Awaiting the impending storm, Husby and I started channel surfing last night...Here's what we came across:

Beiber Penguin Pants

Bison tongues



Tim McGraw on stage with Pitbull...worst performance ever.  It was like a car accident.  You had to look away but you couldn't.  SO bad.

Tonight is supposed to be the mega storm!  Shawnee got hit pretty bad last night.  Be sure to keep everyone affected in your prayers!!
XOXO Summer

Beached Whale

Bathing suit shopping.  Most women cringe because they know they will be stuffing their self-conscious, unforgiving bodies in spandex...Most husbands panic or even fake illnesses because they know their credit card bill will sky rocket or will be asked, "Does this make me look fat?" That is...unless you are Eva Longoria or Katie Holmes...or me.  HA!

I had to endure this painful situation today.  Luckily my husband thought I was just getting my oil changed in my car and I took Bestie T along for a good laugh.  Here's what we found!


Ima do my country a favor and not attempt this little number.  You're welcome for my patriotism!


There is so much fabric in the rump, my bum looks like a flat tire.  That suit definitely did not make the cut! But it was a good chuckle.  Especially trying to peel the blasted thing off...Poor Bestie will most likely bill me for therapy Monday!

Don't even get me started with this one.  It's like Golden Girls meets Spring Break 1997.  I thought the v-neck would be slimming.  Turns out it's just a giant arrow pointing out my lady hips and stupid knobby knees.  PASS.

Nope.  Nada.  Never.  (PS-the peacock number on the left was over $100!)



Work it Bestie T.  That elastic waist band is certainly slimming.  Good thing you found that on the clearance aisle...

One king size package of M&M's later (to boost my spirits!) and our last store...I finally found the bathing suit!  For so long I have had to wear a maternity bathing suit-- two years of being preggo!-- that I discovered I didn't even really know what size I was.  And I was a lot smaller than I realized!  God bless Bestie T for that!

Once we moseyed through the exercise DVD aisle (and no, I didn't buy a DVD this time...ha!), we found this 'cookbook'.  I almost died.  Do you know what it's mimicking?  50 Shades of Grey!  I could not believe it, so I opened the book!  Not only were the recipes nasty but the directions and ingredients were super perverted and extremely X-rated!  And the back cover picture is a naked guy holding the chicken to cover...his chicken!  Hysterical!  I'll stick to Ree Drummond's Pioneer Woman.

Here's the winning number!  Isn't she a doll?  So excited!

Just keep swimming!  Just keep swimming!  Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming!

xoxo Summer

Friday Five

Who would think we would be wearing gloves and scarves the first week of May? WELCOME TO OKLAHOMA, y'all! Here's this week's most favs!

1.

Sno-Cones at school!  Unfortunately it was a balmy 50 degrees outside.  Fail, Oklahoma.  Fail.

2.  Little Miss Stubborn decided to get down her own way at dinner...it took a good 20 minutes to un-stick her.  Ah, the joys of parenthood.

3.  So.  I am responsible.  I'm lying.  I lost the keys to this padlock thing at work.  And our custodian had to literally cut the blasted lock off so I could get to my...postits...Yes, there are more important things in there but ya'll know how I am about my sticky paper!

4.  I love my kid's sitter.  She cracks me up with her typos.  Her responses are on the left...

5.  My father, being the avid outdoorsman that he is, received the best gift from  my sister last Christmas!  A portable 'plastic bag' water bottle for when he goes camping.  But oh no.  What does he use it for when he comes to visit me?  To safely transport his nightly beverage.  I'll give you a hint.  It smells terrible, ISN'T water, and rhymes with sandy, candy, handy.....

I love me some Fridays!  I'm going to curl up and catch up on my guiltiest pleasure, Real Housewives!

xoxo Summer

Friday Five

Ya'll ready?  Here's the list!



1.  A kiddo at school donated snacks. Random snacks.  Ones I would have never eaten before in my life.  But today I tried a pancake and sausage on a stick.  And my life will never be the same.  Again.  Four pancakes on a stick later, I can say I'm addicted.  Random fact: I can eat more than my FIL  He's a hefty guy.  But my appetite is bigger.  :)

2.  Husby wants a 'detailed idea' of how I want my garden to be this summer.  So I sent him this.  After looking at it for a bit, I am a.) amused by my amazing detail and b.) fascinated by my ambitious attempt at a garden at all.  Clearly I am a professional.  I'm expecting a call from Better Homes and Gardens and Southern Living any day now.

3.  Bestie A has never heard of a moon pie.  WHAT?!  I will never look at her the same again.  So at lunch this week she literally googled it.  I'm bringing her one for dessert Monday.  (Clearly not a true southern girl if she has never even heard of one!!)  It's ok though.  I still love her.

4.  Speaking of moon pies and all things delish, who ever came up with this ridiculous idea?  Breakfast for cats.  This is what our world is coming to people!  You know it's hit the fan when your cat eats better in the am than you do.  I'll take 'rise and shine' with real bacon and eggs over crappy soggy cereal any day! 

And on another note, Elmo, my frisky feline, eats anything.  Heck, he licks his own butt.  I'm sure he won't be offended if I don't spend the extra dough to provide him a sunrise surprise. 



5.  Symmetrical Butterflies!  I have an abundance of foam shapes so I had my kiddos pick four shapes, stick them on one wing, and imitate the pattern on the opposite side.  Such a pretty display in our room and a great assessment tool!

Big plans this weekend people?  Sidder is coming to help decorate Bee's room Saturday.  I might be a little feng shui retarded...  Dont' judge.

Happy Friday!

xoxoSummer

Bumper Cars

Short people are like dynamite.  They may be little, but when you tick them off, an explosion occurs.  Don't believe me?  Pull out in front of me or cut me off on the highway.  I.  become.  unglued...

I'm a Christian.  I'm a mother.  I try daily to be the best person I can be.  But when a complete moron gets behind the wheel of a vehicle and veers towards me, I want nothing more than the chunk a heavy object in their general direction.  I think an IQ test should be administered when people apply for a drivers licence.  It would most definitely reduce the amount of 'traffic incidents' on the road...

If it was legal and I had bajillions of dollars to invest in a company, I would create  these exploding bricks bubble things.  You can program them to say things like:  

     Go faster than 7 MPH.     Get off your cell phone.     Pull out in front of me again and I'll ram you.     Do you NOT see the oncoming vehicle?!     YIELD &%$#@!     

And then when someone does one of these things, you can chunk the cement block bubble at their car and it will explode with a screaming message so they 'get the hint'.

I promise I don't have road rage.  I just have a temper when it comes to ignorance flying past me at 80 miles an hr...  Heck, just today on my drive home this is what I experienced (NO LIE):

1. Motorcycle crash on an on-ramp of I-44.
2. Pretty sure the guy behind me at the intersection by my school was SMOKING A JOINT.
3. SUV IN REVERSE on the highway because crap fell off of the trailer it was hauling.
4. I was cut off and almost rear ended some wanker Amish-- again NO LIE-- lady on 75 South.  
5. In a one lane/construction zone intersection, traffic was stopped at a green light at 5 o'clock traffic because a car died smack dab in the middle of the road.  And apparently no one knew what to do.  And my car was vibrating from the noise level escaping from my...vocal chords...Get it together people.  God gave you brains bigger than a MEAL WORM for a reason.

I'm fed up with the craziness.  Maybe I'll get my pilot's license and a helicopter and FLY myself to work.  Ha, who am I kidding?  I'm going to invest in a mega phone.  How effective would THAT be?

Plotting revenge on all ignorant drivers,
Summer

Questionable Yellow Fruit

I love my MIL (mother in law).  She cracks me up.  Whilst wining and dining (coca cola and cheeseburgers!) the other night, I came across this...science experiment...in her kitchen.  Can you guess what it is?  No, it's not a charbroiled pickle...or a petrified cat's tail...this, my blogger friends, is a banana waaaaaay beyond it's youth.  Not even botox can revive it.  "What on earth is this doing on your counter?!"  Banana bread is her answer.  God love her, she only bakes 2 or 3 times a year...now I know why.  I LOVE YOU, Womy!

Sticking to carrot cake and pumpkin muffins,
Summer

Ode to Bacon Part Deux

Bacon, bacon, bacon.  Ode to Bacon 2 is in order:

1.  Summer doesn't share food.  It's almost a law in our house...

2.  

If I worked out, I would most definitely sport this shirt:

3.  

Bacon Popcorn...

4.  Deck the Halls with LOADS of bacon!  

Fa la la la la, c h o l e s t e r o l !

5.  This one sorta reaches my 'limit' of normalcy.  It's bacon frosting, which is cool.  But the image on the tube is bacon...eating...itself...  Isn't that a tad weird?

6.  "Turtle Burgers"  Welcome to the South, Ya'll!  Let me fire up the grill and roast ya 'hotter dogs wrapped in strips o' bacon!"  Grab me a brewski!

7.  This one is for Husby.  Although I was much more enthused about it than he, men have Ducktape.  Real men have Bacon Ducktape.  WORD!

I hope you guys have a super spectacular Wednesday!  It has been strange weather around here...cold this morning, hot mugginess this afternoon.  Tornadoes expected tonight.  YEEHAW!

Peace, Love, Bacon,

xoxo Summer

Stick my finger in my eye...

I can be a tad irritable at times. It happens. I'm a woman. I can't stand ignorance or incompetence. So here's my rant of today. Ready? Go! (Bear with me on this post, I can only blog from my wanker phone due to us still not having Internet...don't even get me started on that little mantra!)

1. Cox communications customer service. Yes, I want you to charge me out of the wazoo for decent Internet because AT&T STILL cannot get it together. (AT&T only sends me bills every three months, threatening termination which is dumb. So I only pay three months at a time.) So I will order cox. And be put on hold to 'schedule my fast and friendly installation'. It's been thirty two minutes people. I'm over it.

2. Buying seed starter packs which CLEARLY have FIVE rows for seeds but only THREE seed label stick thingies. Wow. Way to step it up Burpees!!!!! Glad I'm not super OCD about having the right amount of things identical! Pretty sure this type of thing would send my mother into an all out melt down. I'm half way there.

3. My belly button sutures. This super glue crud is for the birds. It itches and burns and I'm pretty sure my intestines are trying to escape when I laugh. Or cough. Or sneeze. Or pee. Or walk. Or blink. Or swallow. Or breathe.

Not quite sure what I would consider the highlight of my day. I must say its hard to compete with a four hour, uninterrupted nap.

But then, nothing is as 'precious' as discovering Bee's POOP balls she makes and shoves under her pillow for me to find when she is alone. For three minutes. While I'm brushing my teeth. GAG. I honestly have no idea where she gets these grosso ideas.

I would say from her father but I don't want y'all to judge me. I say that... Once he actually picked his nose and was so proud of the sheer size of his man-booger, he left the blasted thing on my steering wheel. Like a cat who kills a mouse and leaves it by the front door for praise. And I married him. We have two children together. Isn't life grand? Ha!

Clorox wiping everything while I'm still on hold,
Xoxo Summer