Simmer Down

I went out for lunch today and ordered Diet Coke.  The server asked me if I wanted caffeine free. Bless her heart!  Why would anyone WANT that? Poor girl, doesn't she know my entire world revolves around my next caffeine fix?!

How many things would go wrong if I was left 'un-caffeinated'?  The sheer thought makes me heart race and I panic. 

1. I would lose all cognitive thinking ability. 

2.  Pretty sure the dog would end up eating Meow Mix and the cat would be dining on Pedigree for Senior Dogs. 

3.  My clothes would be worn inside out. TRUE story y'all!  I did that twice at school last year...

4.  I get names confused. Easy names. Like call Samantha Janice or something insane like that. But I would never catch my mistake!

5.  My carpets might be cleaned with bug killer. Another TRUE story! Bestie T thought she was spraying Resolve carpet stuff on her rug. Nope. It was Insect Killer. 

6.   I might be cranky to the point of isolation. Complete involuntary solitude. Even Elmo avoids me. 

7.  I might have my children help me load the CASES of Budweiser at Sams Club. TRUE story again. These kids were literally screaming to take turns loading the booze. I stopped counting at four cases. 

8.  I would be snappy. Like a turtle. With teeth. 

9. I might run you over. Just sayin. 

10.  I might get divorced. Again. HA! Just Kiddng! My poor Husby puts up with me so much and he knows how I treasure my caffeine intake. It's up there next to God and chocolate. 

Do you see?  NEVER ask a mother of two under the age of two if she wants 'caffeine free'. Despite what teachers say, yes, there are stupid questions. 

Downing my fifth cup of the day, 

XOXO Summer