Wordless Wednesday

Little Bird

II thought of you today. I was sitting outside enjoying the randomly cool weather eating lunch. And a little bird perched on a chair next to me. And I knew it was you. And I wondered. 

Zach and I have had our ups and downs. But we are as strong as ever. Can you believe it?

Two children that are the center of our lives and hearts.  You always told me your children were your biggest accomplishment. If mine are an accomplishment, I feel I almost deserve a  Nobel Peace Prize. How did you raise five?

You always supported me teaching. What would you say to me if you were sitting with my little Loves? I can just hear you laugh with them. And tell them stories... like how you tried to kill a chicken for dinner and ended up swinging it over your head like a helicopter when you were 12.

I baked cookies with Bee the other day. And I swear you were hovering over us telling us how to measure and mix. And yes, they turned out ah-mazing. Just like you taught me. 

Last weekend when I tucked in Turtle for his nap at my parents house, I sobbed as hard as I ever have wrapping him in the blanket you crocheted so lovingly for my mother when I came along. You always had faith that they would have children. It took 15 long years but you were right. 

And I smile everyday when I use your makeup mirror to get ready in the morning. I can just hear you humming your sweet songs and pitter pattering around in your soft night gowns. 

I miss you so so so much. Daily. So much I can literally feel my heart break sometimes. But I know you are happy and you are watching over us every second of every day. I love you Grandmother. Happy early birthday!

Your Granddaughter,

Summer

Colors of the Rainbow

It's all fun and games til someone sharts.  (Sharts, you ask? Urban Dictionary it...)

Let me preface with several things.

1.  Our children are the same size...literally.  So to save time and sanity, we bathe them together.  They love it.  And they have fun.  Hey, I'm all about efficiency.

2.  Bestie Houston bought us these super amazing bath water color drops.  We use them all the time.  They dye the bath water fun colors!

3.  The baby, our 10 month old Turtle is way beyond 'baby food' and will only eat what Big Sis eats.  And when I say he eats, what I really mean is he shovels his food like a bear preparing for winter.  Little man may only have 7 teeth but he sure gets the job done!

This being said, we fully expected him to gobble down his chili smothered baked potato last night.
And left over chili for lunch today.  And milk.  Oodles of milk in his sippy cup.  Oh and pepper steak for tonight's dinner.  With cabbage.  Get my drift?  The boy has fiber and lactose in his system.  Lethal combo.

Fast forward to tonight.  I'm giving both babies their baths together as always.  Everyone is happy and laughing.  I turn around for seven seconds to grab the shampoo.  And I notice the bathwater is colored. Did we put a color thingy in the water?   Both babies are splashing around and having so much fun!  But how did the water get so green?  OMG.  GAG.  Turtle's face seems more relaxed than normal.  Pure relief...in the tub!

This was literally 2 minutes before the 'incident'.  

I thought Mom Life couldn't get grosser when I was nursing and woke up to find my nursing pad had leaked. Or the first time I changed Turtle's circumcision dressings.  Or when Bee blew a raspberry in my face with a mouth full of tilapia.  Or we found a 'mystery' bottle under the changing table when we moved a few months ago (who knew formula could grow such...fuzzy mold?!)  But today changed everything.  I hope to God I never ever ever have to clean out a tub of floaty POO again in my life.  (And bless Husby's heart, ya'll KNOW he can't do it...then I'd be cleaning up poo and man vomit.  Double gag.)

Ya'll hungry now?  I'm still swallowing back bile.  And I haven't even eaten yet...  Two showers (babes of course) and some crushed up pepto bismol later, we sit anticipating bed time in T-minus 15 minutes.  Ah mommy life...

Bleaching every tub toy known to man,
XOXO Summer

Friday Five!

Laughter is the best medicine! Here ya go!

1.  'No one wins today!'

2.  Just takes a bite!

3.  Seriously, what could this poor dog be thinking??

4.  Well, I guess the cat's out of the bag! Bahahahaha!

5. If I could find these in stores EVERYONE would be getting one for Christmas! First I saw the straw. Then I saw Pooh. Pure elation!  

6. Here's a bonus, y'all!  It made me smile! 

TGIF!

XOXO Summer

Simmer Down

I went out for lunch today and ordered Diet Coke.  The server asked me if I wanted caffeine free. Bless her heart!  Why would anyone WANT that? Poor girl, doesn't she know my entire world revolves around my next caffeine fix?!

How many things would go wrong if I was left 'un-caffeinated'?  The sheer thought makes me heart race and I panic. 

1. I would lose all cognitive thinking ability. 

2.  Pretty sure the dog would end up eating Meow Mix and the cat would be dining on Pedigree for Senior Dogs. 

3.  My clothes would be worn inside out. TRUE story y'all!  I did that twice at school last year...

4.  I get names confused. Easy names. Like call Samantha Janice or something insane like that. But I would never catch my mistake!

5.  My carpets might be cleaned with bug killer. Another TRUE story! Bestie T thought she was spraying Resolve carpet stuff on her rug. Nope. It was Insect Killer. 

6.   I might be cranky to the point of isolation. Complete involuntary solitude. Even Elmo avoids me. 

7.  I might have my children help me load the CASES of Budweiser at Sams Club. TRUE story again. These kids were literally screaming to take turns loading the booze. I stopped counting at four cases. 

8.  I would be snappy. Like a turtle. With teeth. 

9. I might run you over. Just sayin. 

10.  I might get divorced. Again. HA! Just Kiddng! My poor Husby puts up with me so much and he knows how I treasure my caffeine intake. It's up there next to God and chocolate. 

Do you see?  NEVER ask a mother of two under the age of two if she wants 'caffeine free'. Despite what teachers say, yes, there are stupid questions. 

Downing my fifth cup of the day, 

XOXO Summer

Don't That Beat All?!

Y'all, Ode to Daddy will have to wait. Oklahomans never cease to amaze me. This just happened:

That's right. A raccoon. As a pet. At Lowes. 

Look at how excited this svelt, sophisticated woman is! She is so happy to hold the 'exocitc' creature and lookin so fine in her oh so professionally done ORANGE highlights and skin tight two piece ensomble. 

Bet you didn't get your dad a 'coon for Father's Day, did ya? 

XOXO Summer

Ode to Husby

Since there are 'two' fathers in my life this year (my Husby and my Daddy) I shall share a little about each of them with ya'll.  Today will be Husby!

I never knew how much I could love a person until I saw how much he loved our daughter when she was born!  He was absolutely terrified.  In every way.  From diaper changing to dressing.  But bless him, he was a natural right from the first five minutes!

Right after Bee was born.

After having Bee I was exhausted, starving, and overwhelmed.  He was the one that helped and guided me in nursing (as weird as that sounds, but I swear if it wasn't for his strength thru all of it I wouldn't have followed through!).

When Bee had colic so bad we were up 8 hours in a night, he was the one that pumped her little legs to make her toot.  I was a frantic exhausted mess.  But he stuck with it.

Daughter like Father!

When Turtle was born he was the one that laid in my bed with me for 14 hours of not so fun labor til 1 am...

Trying to get a sip in!

He gets up with the kids early on the weekends just to spend time with them even though he has to get up at 4:45 am every weekday to go to work.

Teaching Turtle how to crawl.

Husby tries so hard to change poopy diapers but always ends up puking.  (Bless his heart!)

Singing!

He takes Turtle 'man shopping'.

Showing Bee how to use a screwdriver.

He sings ridiculous nursery rhyme renditions to the kids just to hear them laugh hysterically.

Just realized how many diapers we are going to go thru in a week!

Husby may choke when he sees how much I spend at Sams a month ($200 on diapers!) but he just smiles...

Showing Turtle the ropes of granite.

When he makes Bee breakfast...well...she loves it.  Normally it consists of cookies, frosted sugar coated fruit loops, and string cheese...True story.

Cheering up Bubba (he had RSV)

Husby sacrificed his mancave for his kids' backyard.  (Seriously, ya'll, that's a whopper of a sacrifice!)

Wrestling!

In the past two years of Daddyhood, I'd say Husby has learned a lot.  There is so so so so much more to learn, and he knows that.  But he is well on his way.  And I am so proud of him!  Thank you for putting up with temper tantrums, boogers, flying food, and everything else that encompasses parenting.  You truly are The Man.  :)

Tag!

Anyone can be a father; but it takes someone special to be a daddy.
XOXO Summer

Fly Guy

Every time I turn around, I dang near have to spit a fly out of my mouth.  It has rained SO much in the past weeks that flies are reproducing like...well...flies.  I'm sick of being annoyed by them, so I googled 'fly' to see how to rid my life of these nasty pests.  I learned waaaaay more than I care to know about the sicko buggers but ya'll know I just had to share the highlights!

1.  Flies carry and can pass on super revolting diseases.  Like what you ask?  Um, bubonic plague.  Gangrene.  Nice.  I'm glad they sneak into my house and post up in my kitchen....

2.  The fly guys only travel as fast as 5 MPH.  So WHY are they so flippin hard to smash?

3.  A fly's life span is 30 days.  But some have been known to live up to 5 months (GAG).

4.  Flies only have two wings.  All ofter flying insects have four.  And when they 'take off' they actually fly backwards first.  Weird, right?

And lastly, 5.  My dog, Caddy, is obsessed with them.  She will literally hold perfectly still and watch them land on her food bowl and then snap her jowls until she catches a few.  Sure, she can do that, but fetch?  No way...

How many flies have you counted today?
XOXO Summer

Bless Your Heart!...

Bless your heart! It's a southern term used almost as much as I love you in these parts...but be warned,  should someone ever say that to you, question a.) what you just said/did/didn't do or b.) if you forgot to...say...put on pants.

Reflecting on my summer vacation thus far, I realized today whilst driving like a crazy mad woman on fire responsibly home with Raffi tunes blaring from the back seat of my car all of the 'blessed people' I have come across.  (If you have never heard of Raffi then you are missing out on some quality musical talent my friend!...If you are three.  years.  old.

Bless your heart:
-the nice drive thru lady at Arby's who gave me back two too many pennies (really?!  I've worked drive thru jobs in high school and college.  Counting back change isn't hard.  Especially pennies...)

-the Target employee walking around with your fly wiiiiide open.  Dude, double check yourself!  And no, you're not cool hitting on the soccer mom in spandex that's about 2 sizes too small...uh oh, maybe two bless your hearts are due on this one!

-the 982nd person who stops me in public and comments on how crazy it is that my twins are so identical.  THEY ARE 11 MONTHS APART!  I know that's a hard concept but obviously one is not even near talking and the other one could practically sing Ha Ha Thisaway (Raffi....le sigh...)

-Marketing/Pricing Lords of Walmart and Target and all chain stores that sell toddler underwear and think I'm going to spend more on my daughters panties that she is going to CRAP in than my own underclothes.  You are insane.  Nuts.  Off your rocker.

Potty training is supposed to save us weary mothers MONEY so we can avoid buying pull ups that are already like $89753987 a box so we can afford to get a hair cut more than ONCE a year.  Get my drift?  No?  Look closely at my dead ends...wait, you don't have to squint, clearly my hair is one step closer to horsey HAY.  Seriously, a cow stared at my hair and drooled when we were in Texas...

Side step-- I can't BELIEVE my kiddo is in undies...can you say panic attack??!!

-the creator of pajama jeans.  I can say this, I promise.  Of course I'm from Oklahoma and that should be a given in itself that I have at one time owned a pair.  Don't judge...I was pregnant for TWO years!  By the time I was done blasting babies out of my...business...I had zero fashion sense and awareness of how ginormous my rump had gotten...I was living proof that spandex was most definitely a privilege and the Fashion Police needed to cut up my 'style card.'

-the inventor of these:

That just happened.  Sadly I'm sure the people who are 'such food geniuses' are making quadruple what I make... 

-and finally, wait for it, you ready?  TO THE HOMEOWNERS ASSOCIATION PRESIDENT AND TREASURER who just mailed us an invoice stating we owe them $890 in 'back HOA fees' plus 12% 'late fees'.  Clearly you didn't get the memo.  We have two small children in diapers.  We have only lived in our subdivision for 4 months.  I'm a teacher.  In Oklahoma.  I don't drive a Range Rover.  We don't eat organic grass fed beef a jus with Don Perion every night.  Hell, we probably couldn't even afford a stupid 'hot dog slicer'.  So you can take this sweet little invoice of ya'lls...and shove it in your garbage disposal file it under 'never gonna happen'.  And bless your heart for even having the nerve to waste a stamp on that precious welcome letter.

Bless my heart for even attempting to write with two fussy hungry children...fail...

XOXO Summer

Blueberries and Butterfingers

Mondays suck. Ive always tried to be positive about them but now I know I hate them. 1. Trying to make Fathers Day special for my husband is a useless task. I tried to be a 'thrifty spender' this year. I even went to walmart for heaven's sake. But then Husby checked the bank statement....lets just say he wont be getting much. Just a hug.

 2. Trying to cram blueberries down my 9 month old's throat is like trying to shove a hippo in a Volkswagen. Not gonna happen. 

3. I tried to water my plants in the backyard. The hose hider thing is stupid and I hate it. I was trying go turn the blasted gear to give me more hose and the thing FELL. APART. 

4.  My Real Housewives of NJ didn't record last night. Seriously that breaks my heart. 

 5. I'm attempting a new weight loss method starting today and all I can think about is gummy bears. And snickers bars. And brownies. And sweet tea. And if I shove another piece of lettuce down my shrinking throat I might perish. If this kills me, y'all, someone promise to put a king size butterfingers in my hands when they bury me. 

 Blah. 

XOXO Summer

Chuy-baca

Husby took me out to eat (y'all this only happens like 3 times a year!!) and we chose Chuy's. And blessed be, we loved it!

The inside was super fun, I was convinced each room had a theme and ours was cars because there were license plates and vintage car prints on the walls. And look at the ceiling!

I ordered a number five (enchilada and tostado thingy) and Husby ordered a number nine- whatever that is. 

Poor man, if he knew I was taking his picture he probably would have force fed me one of his jalapeños!  HA!

Anyway. Lunch was amazing and we will definetely be going back!

Happy Eating!

XOXO Summer

Friday Five

Friday Five!

1.  

Rolly Polly totem pole! They clung on to the plant for dear life during the rains and saved themselves from drowning! Smart little buggers!

2.  

I creep on people. So naturally I had to document this. Pretty Wioman has come to Tulsa, y'all!

3.  

Remember Drivers Ed during the summer in high school? This license tag made me chuckle. At least someone had a sense of humor about 16 year olds driving. 

4.  

Be still my heart!

5.  

Scrub a dub dub, Bubba gets a back rub!

Y'all enjoying out amazing weather? I am!!

XOXO Summer

Cloud 9

Sobakawa Cloud Pillow.  Ever heard of it?  Bestie T bought one today and showed me it's amazing pillow-yness.  LOVE!  "It can be heated up or cooled!"  Awesome!  I wish my pillows did that!

We took the 'directions' to the pillow to dinner.  Lucky her, we actually read the instructions and they probably SAVED HER LIFE.  Seriously.

The directions literally say:

The fabric and enclosed beads are flammable.  Do not expose this product to open flames or and direct or indirect high temperature ignition source such as burning operations...

Our jaws dropped by this point.  A PILLOW is flammable?!  Is that even legal?  Then she kept reading:

Once ignited, fabric will burn rapidly  releasing great heat and consuming oxygen at a high rate.  

Oh great!  Please buy two more!  I can't believe you spent $40 on one of these death clouds!

In an enclosed space (like a bedroom?!) the resulting deficiency of oxygen will present a danger of suffocation to the occupants.   Amazing.

Hazardous gasses released by the burning fabric can be incapacitating or fatal to human beings if inhaled in sufficient quantities.  WTF!?!?

The pillow's  warning label continues to caution that no one under the age of 14 should use this pillow.  I'm assuming the pillow company imagines some responsible kid using it?  They need to realize something about the consumers they sell these pillows of heaven to.  Bestie T once tried to cook couscous in a rubbermaid container in a microwave.  True story.  I'm not sure if she meets the requirements of the "14 and up rule."  Just sayin.

In all fairness to my sweet Love, she has had a ghastly time trying to sleep and I truly hope this pillow helps more than it harms.  I laid my head down on it this afternoon and it was comfortably divine!  I just hope the dear girl doesn't go up in a ball of flames!

What flammable things have you encountered today?
XOXO Summer

Wordless Wednesday

 

Done!

Light My Fire!

I am known for attempts at being creative.  I'm a Pinterest junkie (who ISN'T?!) and when I found this:  I was motivated!

Glass Candle Votives:

 (The picture on the left...) 

 I thought a cluster of glass votives would be darling on our backyard patio table.

I had my parent's save a week's worth of glass jars (pickles, jam, relish, olives......) and saved ours.  I soaked the jars in soapy water to remove the sticky labels (but I didn't obsess about sticky residue...these jars were going to live outside on our patio table).

 Rubberband them!  I just bought a random assortment bag for a buck at Target.

Turn them upside down and spray paint them.  I just used whatever white stuff Husby had in the garage.  But I also used a CLEAR sealant spray paint to seal the paint.  Wait a few hours for the paint to dry.

I cut the rubberbands off so I wouldn't mess up the paint patterns.  I bought votive candles (16 in a bag) for a dollar at Dollar Tree.  Voila!

Chokin on my Cheerios...

Living in America is supposed to be a privilege.  People should be able to speak their mind, express themselves, and eat what ever dang cereal they want.  And to the WANKER, IGNORANT, OBNOXIOUS racists out there, go eat a turd...

Cheerios has come out with a commercial that features a interracial family.  A white mother, a black father, and a mixed daughter.  WHO CARES?  They are eating cereal for goodness sake!!!  The little girl is worried about her daddy's cholesterol so she pours the cereal right over her daddy's heart.  Swoon!

When I first saw the commercial, I was touched.  It never occurred to me that the family was 'mixed' or whatever.  Skin is just a color, people.  GET. A. CLUE.  I thought it was sweet that she was worried about her daddy!  Then I just got hungry...and wanted cereal!

When I saw on the Today Show this morning that people have back lashed the commercial, I choked in surprise (I was eating...does this surprise you?!)

To the crap weasel of a woman who said this: "The mom in the commercial is a single mother in the making!"-- Get hit by a train.  Twice.  Thanks.

The moronic brainless person who said "it was disgusting and made me want to vomit".  Please go ahead.  And asphyxiate on it.

And lastly, to all of the close minded WORMS who brought up 'Nazis and racial genocide'-- You live in AMERICA.  If you don't like what's on tv, go read a book.  Perhaps the BIBLE!  Just sayin.  Some people just need a little more Jesus in their lives!  (And cheerios!)

Go get it Cheerios!

Spread some CHEERios today,
XOXO Summer

Mary Mary Quite Contrary

In lieu off attempting to spend more time together, Husby and I decided to be pro landscapers on the south side of our house...here is a brief picture 'story'of our evening together. 

Before... Can't you tell how thrilled to be doing this? Bahahahaha! 

Planting the three shrubs we picked out. Let me interrupt myself and point out his manly garden tool. That's right. It a plastic shovel. With Dora on it. Such a shovel wielding pro!

While Husby and Dora are digging...my job was to find rocks small enough to border the bushes. Low and behold I found the COOLEST caterpillar of. my. life. 

See him, he's almost albino! Fascinating!

I named him Cappy. About this time Husby decided to check out my rock hunt progress....lesson one: don't leave an ADHD person alone with a task wondering around in the woods. A harsh scolding and an enormous amount of rocks later, we got this far:

Lesson two: don't put the mega OCD person in charge of rock placement. It takes THIRTY minutes to make three rocks line up... 

Three Coors Lights later, we called it a night laughing about how we managed to find one rock shaped like Oklahoma, one like Montana (someone--not me-- might need to retake geography, just sayin!), our trusty Dora, and a half completed redneck rock garden. 

We had fun! I can only imagine how tomorrow evening will go! 

How was your Sunday? 

XOXO Summer