T. E. X. A. S.

Here's a brief post of our trip down to Dallas!

Breakfast at my parents!

Selfie in the car!

Gotta have lunch!

Had to pull over to change a poopy diaper. Beautiful backdrop behind the sweet church we pulled into. What you DON'T see is Bee's POO stained finger...she kept stuffing it in her pull up before we had a chance to pull over. Have I told you lately how glamorous my life is??

Now Turtle has pooped. What have these kids eaten??? I'm over it. 

Lunch in Denison! We are so close to Dallas!

Love his face!

Once we got to Dallas and checked in, we immediately ran to the outlet mall. Literally. With toddlers in strollers. Much to our dismay there was nothing worth dropping a dime for. We ate at an ah-mazing fire roasted chicken place that we always eat at...Cowboy Chicken. By this time my poor Love was running a fever and sweet Daddy-O spoon fed her ice cream for dinner. She was so pathetically sick she only ate half a scoop. 

Sad, huh?

We rushed over to Target for emergency kiddo meds... Parents stayed in the car with sickies. Low and behold we were completely thrown off course by the most amazing aisle in the store. (You can't buy wine in a grocery store in Oklahoma.). Twenty minutes and two bottles of savingion blanc (ok just because I enjoy French wine does not mean I can spell it!) later, we wisked ourselves back to our hotel. 

Big girl on her couch bed!

So much for a glamorous poolside drink with the Sis. Guess we will have do settle for slumming it up Oklahoma style in our holey pj's and paper cups full of wine...

Tomorrow we begin our TJ Maxx marathon. I've already warmed up my hand muscles for credit card swiping!

God Bless Texas,

XOXO Summer

Spill on Aisle 5!

Today has most definitely been a day full of questionable spills of sorts. (How random is that?!) 

My day started bright and early with a poor sick babe projectile vomiting unknown white chunks all over my snuggie I keep in my classroom. Gag. Ms. Mansker's commentary was completely unnecessary, trust me. 

Bestie A and I ordered lunch out today and I reached into my purse to give her my credit card and I pulled out brown goo. Now normally I would calmly assume this foreign substance was melted chocolate that met an unfortunate melted fate. But life with Bee is remarkably...gross...these days. So I was weary to identify the yuck. God blessed me with a strong nose however and after a cautious sniff I knew it was a chocolate truffle. I suppose there are two ways to look at this...boo on chocolate poo in my purse but hey, Sidder and I are taking an early Friday/weekend tonight and we are headed to Dallas tomorrow with Mama and Daddy to celebrate Mama's birthday and Mother's Day. Doughty Girls + Dallas = shopping shopping shopping. I see a new purse in my future. Just sayin. (Yes, I asked Husby if he wanted to go... He said he would rather slam a certain body part in a car door...so I am NOT responsible for how much money is spent!)

And to wrap up my spiffy spills, I have a sad face aimed at Mc Alisters. I am a southern girl who loves a good sweet tea. So when I swooped in on my first sip today I expected sweet golden brown iced goodness. Gag. I'm pretty sure the tea girl confused sugar with kitchen cleaner. Bless her heart. I was relying on that 32 oz caffeine boost to help me survive 20 crouping crazy 5 year olds til 3. So glad I'm resourceful. I rummaged around and 1/2 a bag of M&M minis later, it's safe to say I'm already halfway to Stillwater. Hey, M&M minis are 1/2 the size of normal M&M's so they are 1/2 the fat. Right? Oh man. I might need to exchange my bathing suit. Well, chocolate is a food group, right?? I mean it's at the TOP of the food pyramid so it must be important...

What creepy liquids have you encountered today?

XOXO Summer

Snail's Tail

Who knew gardening could be deadly?  I saw an article this morning (click here for article) and I had to do a double take.  "Deadly giant snail found in Houston."  That's just one state away people!!!  They leave slimy yuck behind that is literally meningitis.  What fun!  GAG.  Then I look at the picture more closely.  The idiot holding the things isn't wearing any sort of protection AT ALL.  Don't come hang out with me, Mr. Miracle Grow!  Pretty sure your green thumb will be GANG GREEN...

Apparently these cuddly creatures can lay up to 100 eggs a month.  Seriously people.  I'm hyperventilating as we speak.  Where do these fun party favors come from?? And who do you call if you so gracefully land on one in your backyard? 911?? "911-what is your emergency?" "I have a snail the size of a wombat in my yard!!"  Freak.  Me.  Out.

What other disturbing hings exist in nature? Are there soul sucking spiders? Man eating moths??  Why can't we have positive pests?? Bugs that make cellulite go away or reptiles who give you glamorous hair??  Or bugs that taste like chocolate ice cream and promote happiness!!!

Shivering in my gardening gloves,
xoxo Summer

Ayds, Manatees, and Carrot Sticks

Shut the front door ignorance.  These things are refreshingly ridiculous.

Ayds Diet Candy Pronounced just like AIDS.  Like the autoimmune disease.  "Here Honey!  I got Ayds at QuickTrip today.  Want some?"  Then the smart wankers changed the name to Diet Ayds.  Yeah, that makes it less offensive and more appealing!  I wonder how long that special candy lasted on the market in the 80's...

Color description for this plus sized dress? MANATEE gray.  SOLD! Two please.

I want to meet the complete moron who spends FIFTEEN minutes concocting this 'fish carrot stick' snack.  Clearly who ever designed this does not have a toddler.  My children would chunk this pretty plate across the room in 3 seconds.  And it consists of two carrot sticks and a few sprigs of whatever else.  That would not fill up a regular kid. 

Want to scar your child for life?  Do THIS.

Let's contemplate for a brief second how practical it is to spend $14.98 on a book about technology that is always changing.  Heck, by the time you read this thicker than the Bible text, Apple will have already come out with a new version of the iPhone!

This is a personal shout out to Bestie T.  Let's take a moment of silence to pray for Fat Mantha.  Bestie corners her and talks to her in the freakiest voice ever.  And holds her hostage on the couch.  And all the poor dog can do is shake and accept it.  HA!

This house may or may not be in my neighborhood.  And I may or may not pass by it every night when I run.  But it is DEFINITELY turquoise blue.  Gag.

You can just go ahead and reserve a room in the ER for this poor girl.  And anyone else naive enough to do this.

Happy Tuesday, Ya'll.  This week is Teacher Appreciation Week and I must say, I sure do feel appreciated!  :)  XOXO Summer

PS-want some super inappropriate laughs?  Click on the link below!

http://www.worldwideinterweb.com/item/4133-worst-product-names-ever.html

Fact or Crap?

Random Summer Time Facts:

I've been married before.  Those of you who really know me, STOP counting.  Thanks!  My first (psycho) husband was a whopping 5'4.  Bahahaha, in case you weren't sure, that's a mere FOUR inches from me.  I couldn't even wear high heels around him because...well..he looked like an oompah loompah.  You can see how well our marriage ended....Needless to say I have learned and my Husby is a skyrocketing 6'2.  Ironically I can wear heels when we go out but I'm too lazy and exhausted...yoga pants and flippys (flip flops) are my sexy couture of choice.  You can see how Husby has to bat off men with a stick...Maybe I'll don a fanny pack on our next date...

I have two sisters...I am adopted and grew up with Sidder...but two years ago my biological sister and I were 'led' to each other.  The crazy thing is Sidder and I are two peas in a pod but so so so different.  My biological sister and I are identical in every single way and if you didn't know any better, you'd think we grew up in the same house.  Seriously it's like we are twins!  All my life I wondered if I had other siblings out there, I cannot even begin to explain the magical feeling of being right next to someone who shares your eyes, wrists, feet, laugh, and the list goes on and on!  We even have the same hobbies and drive like crazy cats!  Isn't that NUTS? It's safe to say I'm doubly blessed to have 2 Sidders now!

I have never watched Bambi.  Ever.  My mom thought it would scar me for life as a young kiddo...she also never wanted me to watch Pipi Longstockings either ("She's a bad influence!") but we all know watching that movie did NOT make me ornery!  HAHAHA!

I'm clumsy.  In every way.  I fall walking.  I'M the reason we can't have nice things.  I have crashed more cars in the 12 years I have been driving than my Daddy in 50 years...Heck, even getting my lunch ready for tomorrow required me to sweep the floor and wipe peanut butter off of the cabinet doors...Sadly Bee inherited this trait...when she's really tired she walks into things.  Yesterday she walked straight into a door jamb.  This happens at least 8 times a week...

I hate math.  Every math class I took in college, I took twice.  It's amazing the amount of money my parents dished out for my to get help and repeat classes.  One math class I took THREE times and the professor literally told me when I turned in my last final "I sure hope you pass this time because I don't think you can repeat again..you'll need a bigger notebook..."  WOW.  Way to raise my spirits.  I will never know the score of my final...Sometimes I wonder if she fudged my grade up a bit so she wouldn't have to 'educate' me for another semester...

I take things apart.  I know how to work a cell phone within 3 minutes of owning it.  I have had to educate my poor technologically challenged parents on the buttons in each one of the cars they have owned since I was 4.  In Germany on vacation I had to crawl UNDER the door of a bathroom stall in a train station to help my mother get out of the stall...she couldn't figure it out.  I was 5.  But, like I said, I'm clumsy.  So if I take something apart, there's no guaranteeing I can reassemble it or make it work quite right again....My poor parents and Husby can attest to that...Also, my solution to fixing something most of the time is whacking it with something...don't ask me to fix your laptop or crystal chandelier...

I'm loud.  Obnoxiously loud.  Shut my face in the door loud.  But I can't help it.  Seriously!  I'm legally deaf in my right ear and 83% of the time when you are talking to me, I'm reading your lips.  Crazy, huh?

Alright people.  Sorry this post is so late.  I promise tomorrow's won't be past my bed time!
xoxo  Summer

Beached Whale

Bathing suit shopping.  Most women cringe because they know they will be stuffing their self-conscious, unforgiving bodies in spandex...Most husbands panic or even fake illnesses because they know their credit card bill will sky rocket or will be asked, "Does this make me look fat?" That is...unless you are Eva Longoria or Katie Holmes...or me.  HA!

I had to endure this painful situation today.  Luckily my husband thought I was just getting my oil changed in my car and I took Bestie T along for a good laugh.  Here's what we found!


Ima do my country a favor and not attempt this little number.  You're welcome for my patriotism!


There is so much fabric in the rump, my bum looks like a flat tire.  That suit definitely did not make the cut! But it was a good chuckle.  Especially trying to peel the blasted thing off...Poor Bestie will most likely bill me for therapy Monday!

Don't even get me started with this one.  It's like Golden Girls meets Spring Break 1997.  I thought the v-neck would be slimming.  Turns out it's just a giant arrow pointing out my lady hips and stupid knobby knees.  PASS.

Nope.  Nada.  Never.  (PS-the peacock number on the left was over $100!)



Work it Bestie T.  That elastic waist band is certainly slimming.  Good thing you found that on the clearance aisle...

One king size package of M&M's later (to boost my spirits!) and our last store...I finally found the bathing suit!  For so long I have had to wear a maternity bathing suit-- two years of being preggo!-- that I discovered I didn't even really know what size I was.  And I was a lot smaller than I realized!  God bless Bestie T for that!

Once we moseyed through the exercise DVD aisle (and no, I didn't buy a DVD this time...ha!), we found this 'cookbook'.  I almost died.  Do you know what it's mimicking?  50 Shades of Grey!  I could not believe it, so I opened the book!  Not only were the recipes nasty but the directions and ingredients were super perverted and extremely X-rated!  And the back cover picture is a naked guy holding the chicken to cover...his chicken!  Hysterical!  I'll stick to Ree Drummond's Pioneer Woman.

Here's the winning number!  Isn't she a doll?  So excited!

Just keep swimming!  Just keep swimming!  Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming!

xoxo Summer

Friday Five

Who would think we would be wearing gloves and scarves the first week of May? WELCOME TO OKLAHOMA, y'all! Here's this week's most favs!

1.

Sno-Cones at school!  Unfortunately it was a balmy 50 degrees outside.  Fail, Oklahoma.  Fail.

2.  Little Miss Stubborn decided to get down her own way at dinner...it took a good 20 minutes to un-stick her.  Ah, the joys of parenthood.

3.  So.  I am responsible.  I'm lying.  I lost the keys to this padlock thing at work.  And our custodian had to literally cut the blasted lock off so I could get to my...postits...Yes, there are more important things in there but ya'll know how I am about my sticky paper!

4.  I love my kid's sitter.  She cracks me up with her typos.  Her responses are on the left...

5.  My father, being the avid outdoorsman that he is, received the best gift from  my sister last Christmas!  A portable 'plastic bag' water bottle for when he goes camping.  But oh no.  What does he use it for when he comes to visit me?  To safely transport his nightly beverage.  I'll give you a hint.  It smells terrible, ISN'T water, and rhymes with sandy, candy, handy.....

I love me some Fridays!  I'm going to curl up and catch up on my guiltiest pleasure, Real Housewives!

xoxo Summer

Mrs. Whiskerson

My parents had this cat growing up named Sweetberry. He was ridiculously spoiled and ate his heart out daily.  And he was so big and fat and hairy.  My sister was obsessed with him, bless her heart.  He sort of looked like this fine feline and he would sit on the couch like this every day. 

He put up with a lot in his 18 years of life.  Hair balls.  Our feeble yet exuberant 'spa' days (once we actually tried to give him a shampoo job with one of our old toothbrushes...our mama took the scissors away before we got to the hair cut portion of his treatment...) 

Heck this cat traveled to more countries (we moved a lot because of my Dad's job) than most people do in a life time.  I remember my Grandmother flying overseas to visit us-- she normally did once a year-- and we traveled with her to France.  Trip of a lifetime.  When she got her film developed (this WAS the 90's...) she had three times as many pictures of Sweetberry than of the beautiful French countryside or her precious grandchildren (us!).  My mother still laughs about that...

In his final years, Sweetberry grew deaf so my dad realized he could literally vacuum the cat to remove the oodles of hairs Sweetberry left behind when he napped.  He would just lounge on the couch and watch my dad tediously 'groom' him.  (Ha, redneck groomer!)

When he became really sick, the vet suggested to my parents they give him fluids.  I came home to visit one day and I witnessed both of my parents practically laying on the cat who was perched on the clothes dryer, attempting some sort of makeshift vet office in the laundry room...Dad had strung up IV fluids and was trying to shove the catheter needle under the cat's skin...Looking back, I wish I had a picture of it.  You hear the saying parents will doing anything for their kids?  Well you wouldn't believe what they do for a cat!  In Sweetberry's final months my parents probably spent more money keeping him alive than they did on a whole year of undergrad tuition... 

Ironically reading this article (click on the cat) prompted me to think of good ol' Sweetberry.  I was going to blog about ridiculousness based on feline obesity and how it's all the owners' fault.  Heck, Elmo has always been a bit chunky, but I like him that way.  I spoon feed him cottage cheese.  We go through Braums drive through so he can have his weekly frozen yogurt-- ice cream makes him a tad lactose intolerant.  When we laid down at night, we would sleep on each other's faces (too much info?).  Apparently that freaked my husband out or Elmo used to stare at him while he slept at night and that was alarming or whatever.  So Elmo has a down comforter bed in the garage...

Is your pet obese?  Do you take Captain Snowball on car rides?  Do they have a preferred television show they watch while you are at work?  (Laugh all you want, my MIL literally leaves the tv on certain shows all day for their canine kids!)

    

Pets are people, my friends!  Love them!

xoxo  Summer

Fire Me UP

We went on our walking field trip today.  WHY ON EARTH WAS I DREADING THIS?  I'm a married woman.  I love my husband.  But if all firefighters are like this, I might just have to set my kitchen on fire.  Daily. 


Now, normally when I write about school related things, I try to get things from a 5 year old's perspective.  Not today.  This little gem is all about what I saw.   Here are my "highlights":


Uh oh, are there naked firefighters running around??




Here they are!  Firefighter HotBod and YummyPants showed us so many things :) Here they are demonstrating some sort of camera they use to find people in burning houses...too bad it wasn't an x-ray camera...just sayin...

O.M.G.


FirefighterYummypants is demonstrating some sort of 'hot gun'.  Clearly this thing needs to be pointed at himself.  Or his friend. 

Look at the muscles!  Yes, please rescue me from the burning anything, Mr. YummyPants!


One of the firefighters told me he turns into the Hulk.  I think it was Firefighter HotBod.  This is where they 'get their Hulk on'.

Firefighter HotBod using his 'quiet voice' to show us how they make calls...Do you see the chiseled everything?

Ooh my.  3 in a row.  Hold.  Me.  Back. 

Oh!  And now there are 4...

This is where they sleep.  Obviously they need assistance making their beds.  Any takers?  Too bad I have t-rex arms.  Thank goodness Ms. Mansker was there to constantly remind me I.  am.  married. 

We took a group pic...am I standing too close?  Is my smile big enough?  Where is Firefighter HotBod you ask?  Well...he was standing by Ms. Mansker.  She was obviously busy herself.  :)

And look, the suh-weet Southern gentlemen they are, they rescued us from walking across the street back to school.  How convenient that we are only across the street!

Ohmyword!  Is that smoke coming from my oven?....

xoxo Summer