Stick my finger in my eye...

I can be a tad irritable at times. It happens. I'm a woman. I can't stand ignorance or incompetence. So here's my rant of today. Ready? Go! (Bear with me on this post, I can only blog from my wanker phone due to us still not having Internet...don't even get me started on that little mantra!)

1. Cox communications customer service. Yes, I want you to charge me out of the wazoo for decent Internet because AT&T STILL cannot get it together. (AT&T only sends me bills every three months, threatening termination which is dumb. So I only pay three months at a time.) So I will order cox. And be put on hold to 'schedule my fast and friendly installation'. It's been thirty two minutes people. I'm over it.

2. Buying seed starter packs which CLEARLY have FIVE rows for seeds but only THREE seed label stick thingies. Wow. Way to step it up Burpees!!!!! Glad I'm not super OCD about having the right amount of things identical! Pretty sure this type of thing would send my mother into an all out melt down. I'm half way there.

3. My belly button sutures. This super glue crud is for the birds. It itches and burns and I'm pretty sure my intestines are trying to escape when I laugh. Or cough. Or sneeze. Or pee. Or walk. Or blink. Or swallow. Or breathe.

Not quite sure what I would consider the highlight of my day. I must say its hard to compete with a four hour, uninterrupted nap.

But then, nothing is as 'precious' as discovering Bee's POOP balls she makes and shoves under her pillow for me to find when she is alone. For three minutes. While I'm brushing my teeth. GAG. I honestly have no idea where she gets these grosso ideas.

I would say from her father but I don't want y'all to judge me. I say that... Once he actually picked his nose and was so proud of the sheer size of his man-booger, he left the blasted thing on my steering wheel. Like a cat who kills a mouse and leaves it by the front door for praise. And I married him. We have two children together. Isn't life grand? Ha!

Clorox wiping everything while I'm still on hold,
Xoxo Summer

Summer- 1 Gall bladder- 0

Having been to the hospital every year for the past two years, it only seemed natural for me to have another visit....three times a charm, right? (Clearly we have a thing for being medically in debt up to our eyeballs!)

I had my gall bladder removed Thursday morning. I learned three things from the experience.

1. When they say 'come in at 6 am, sharp!', they mean it. I was draped and in surgery by seven. They whisked us out the door to home by nine thirty. It was nice, we could have had time for a lunch date, except I wasn't quite sure who I was by noon....

2. They fill your tummy up with some sort of gas- air? I guess? That's besides the point. No one told me they did this, so when I woke up looking six months pregnant, I panicked. I thought they did the wrong operation. Three days later, I no longer resemble a moored whale.

3. They close your incisions with glue. No problem. Except my belly button feels like it is full of Saran Wrap and clear nail polish. No biggie.

All in all, the highly qualified staff at St. Francis took excellent care of me. I even got a 'feel better soon' card from the surgeon's receptionist. (She clearly is just waiting to mail me he initial bill!) The highlight of all of this has been the magic ability to eat normally again and watch my sweet Husby be a wonderful daddy and nurse! We are waiting on Dominos as we speak! (Read?!)

Xoxo Summer

Bye Bye Bladder

Dearest readers, as most of you know, tomorrow I am going under the knife! My gall bladder shall not have the best of me yet!

A celebratory bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich was most definitely in order for breakfast!  Take THAT gall bladder!  (And a great big thanks to Ms. Mansker!)  Last night Husby and I stuffed our faces with Taco Mayo.  In our big ol bed.  Watching a movie.  At 10:30 at night.  We're a bunch of rebels, aren't we?  HA! 
In preparing for the procedure, dearest Ms. Mansker researched foods for gall bladder victims.  Here's what we learned:
 Avoid:

·         Foods that are fried, like French fries and potato chips

·         High-fat meats, such as bacon, bologna, sausage, ground beef, and ribs

·         High-fat dairy products, such as cheese, ice cream, cream, whole milk, and sour cream

·         Pizza

·         Foods made with lard or butter

·         Creamy soups or sauces

·         Meat gravies

·         Chocolate

·         Oils, such as palm and coconut oil

·         Skin of chicken or turkey

Well that's awesome.  That rules all major food groups.  *Chuckle chuckle*  PS- The 'meat gravies' one threw me off.  It sounds gross, the way they worded that.  GAG.

Then she found this:

High-fiber and gas-producing foods can also cause some people discomfort after gallbladder surgery, so you may want to introduce them slowly back into your diet. These include:

·         Cereals

·         Whole-grain breads

·         Nuts

·         Seeds

·         Legumes

·         Brussels sprouts

·         Broccoli

·         Cauliflower & Cabbage

Let me first say this. Gross.  I wouldn't want to stuff cabbage down my throat any way.  But did you read the list?  That cuts out literally everything else on the spectrum of food.  Except grapes and carrots.  And beer.  That sounds like a party, doesn't it? 

The good news is this, everyone I have talked to who has undergone the gall bladder massacre has recovered quite well and are much better off in the long run.  And the nurses promised to give me stadol before the surgery to 'calm my nerves'.  Have you ever been on stadol?  It has certain hallucinogenic properties to it.  I was given a hefty dose of it when I was in labor with Bee...Let's just say I saw the toilet dancing and I don't remember my epidural at ALL.  Husby does.  He still tells me the crazy things I said...oh heavens...it still amazes me that he chose to marry me!   

I'm not gonna lie, I probably won't be blogging for a few days...will ya'll survive?

Missing my love affair with all things bacon (turkey bacon from now on- le sigh)

xoxo Summer

Café You Say?

I'm a caffeine junkie. I admit it. But I'm sorta snobby about my caffeine..I am addicted to Coke, Diet Coke, Pepsi, Diet Pepsi and Sweet Tea (gee, did I name enough?)  I do like to try new things however, so when I got one of my free samples of Nescafé Memento, I was excited! 

I LOOOOOVE the smell of coffee.  It reminds me of early mornings living in Louisiana when I was a kiddo.  I would wake up smelling my daddy's coffee brewing while he woke up at the crack of dawn to go to work.  I would wake up with him and munch on cheerios or raisins.  :)  But, coffee tastes bitter to me.  People tell me, 'add sugar, cream', whatever.  That is too much effort.  If you have to add a bunch of 'frill' to something to make it taste better, chances are, I'm not going to eat it.  Unless it's a Zebra Cake...That's for another day...

I followed the directions to on the package and I made myself the Mocha flavored one.  I tried a little sip.  Then a little more.  Then a little more.  It was sweet and smooth!  It was a tad too strong for me to finish, but I'm quite positive an avid coffee drinker would LOVE it!  :)

Faithful to Diet Coke,

xoxo Summer

Monopoly Money

A little friend at school was enthralled by my reward stamps so he took it upon himself to 'donate' a few.

I asked him where he got them and he enthusiastically said "KMART!" Oh how excited I was for him! Then Ms. Mansker asked if he spent all of his allowance on them. "Oh, no! You have to pay for those things?! I thought they were free!!!" Ah, the innocence of children is so refreshing!

Chicken tenders to go

This, my friends, is the epitome of high class in Oklahoma. Yes, these well groomed people are chasing a chicken. I was the ONLY one in the parking lot shocked by this.

Ode to Pizza Hut

What once stole my heart has now crushed my soul.  Sound like a Romeo & Juliet scenario?  It is. Pizza Hut vs. my new address apparently.  Our house is technically in Sand Springs but we have a Tulsa address.  Isn't that simple?  I'm sure you know how pleased I was having to call fifteen different people just to get the electric and water turned on in our names...  I digress. 

Yesterday was a looooong day.  Gruelling school day, 2 hr doctor appt. with Turtle...It's a safe bet that I'm not cooking.  So I call up trusty, tasty Pizza Hut on my way home.  It's 5:10.  I can just taste the Pizza Hut sliders in my tummy.  I even do a dance in the car.  Yes!  This is happening.

6:30.  I'm waiting patiently for my pizza.  I get a phone call.  The super talented Pizza Hut delivery man called.  "I'm lost, where is your house."  I read off my address again.  Silence.  For a minute I thought the man hung up.  Apparently the guy was half way to Catoosa.  That's awesome.  I might have flipped out a little on the phone.  Bee was definitely screaming for food in the background.  He told me someone from customer service would call me to resolve things. 

6:45 A phone call from Missouri.  Customer service was super nice and offered to pick up the tab on our pizza order.  They sent the order through to the Sand Springs Pizza Hut (the one I ORIGINALLY called).  Great.  The lady said it was going to be about 30 minutes and we should have it by then.  I am halfway convinced.  But those sliders are so so so good. 

8:00  Steam is coming out of my face.  I get a call from Omaha, Nebraska.  Sure enough it's Pizza Hut.  "Um, we don't deliver to Berry Hill, ma'am.  It's out of our service area."  Are you *&^%$#@ kidding me?  Why did no one call me over an hour ago to tell me that?  I told the man where he could shove his 'sliders' and hung up.

8:30  Bee and I are happily munching on Arbys.

Today at lunch
Mrs. Campbell- "Want pizza?"  Me- "Yeah!  I'll order Pizza Hut sliders!  Surely they know where our school is!!"  Pizza Hut website-Sliders are no longer available.  I give up. 

Discovering Summer Time

People always tell me I should have my own reality TV show.  I don't think it would get very high ratings, I'm no Snooki or Vicki Gunvalson.  I get excited over simple things like pictures of bacon, finding a long lost bag of M&M's, communicating through lines of rap via text message with Husby, stuffed crust pizza, and singing Raffi music with Bee.  Not Lamborghinis or rhinestone iPads.  But if someone was following me around wth a camera, this is what they would discover:
A.  I have an addiction.  To Post It's.  Is that weird?  I'm like a sticky paper hoarder.  See my TUB o' Post It's in my storage closet at school?  It gives me some sort of natural high!

B.  Cookie cake.  Double Decker Cookie Cake.  Yes.  This. Is. Happening.

C.  Shoes.  Strangely, Husby bought me these last year for part of my Christmas.  I always get complements on them and they are so comfy!  He truly is my other half!  (I'm thinking HE thinks if he buys me stuff, he thinks I will feel less obliged to shop.  Boy was he wrong! HA!)

Tomorrow is Friday.  YAY!

xoxo Summer

Garage Door Shenanigans

Before I explain my AWESOME morning, let me tell you this.  I am a habitually late person who procrastinates.  Therefore it seemed logical for me to be the one who gets two small children ready in the morning, feed and let out the animals, gets myself ready for the day, loads up the car, packs two lunches, turns off all of the lights, adjusts the thermostat and tries to make it out the door by 6:45.  Yes, I know.  I'm a genius.  This being said, let me give you vivid detail of how this morning went 'down'.

It has been a bleary, rainy past two days here in Oklahoma.  My husband, who despises all yucky weather, spent last evening 'organizing' his new garage.  Great.  Fine.  Good for you, here's a gold star.  But PUHLEASE don't block the garage door sensors with drop cloths 'by accident' when you know your wife will be flying out the door the next morning and won't have time to figure out why the dang thing won't close.

This morning, I was on time.  I looked put together.  I even managed to get socks on BOTH of my children and jackets and blankets.  Super star mom!  Then we loaded up and were headed to school!  I pressed the close button on the garage door clicker thingy.  The garage door light literally spazzed out on me and the door kept going down about 12 inches and shooting back up.  Bee is laughing, Turtle is screaming, I am...well ...trying my best not to flip out.  (Remember, 'non-morning people' tend to be bears in the morning...)

I get out in the pouring rain to investigate.  By this time my neighbors, who I have not yet formally introduced myself too, have pulled up in their Tahoe with their kids in the passenger seat, waiting on the school bus.  I have discovered the drop cloths blocking the sensors and I quickly shoved them out of the way.  In doing this, I managed to unhinge one of the sensors at the bottom of the door rail thingy.  It is still raining.  The dogs are running around me in circles, excited because of the rain.  I am getting soaked.  Bee is now screaming.  Turtle is laughing. 

I get so mad trying to reattach the garage door sensor, I chunk it across the garage...which my weenie dog promptly retrieves.  That's a miracle in itself because the stupid dog has never been able to learn a thing in his life, what a time to prove he can retrieve!  The neighbors in their Tahoe have now rolled down their windows to watch me 'fall apart' and I am screaming.  After a quick 'pleasant' phone call to Husby, I figure out how to reattach the stupid sensor, shove the soaked, stinky dogs in the garage, and all but crawl back into my car.

I was a tad tardy to work...next time I'm just going to bulldoze the wanker door...

xoxo Summer

Funny Bunny

I apologize for the absence of a post lately. I'm not gonna lie, I had zero pain which is rare these days, so I have cleaned like a mad woman til I was near exhaustion. I have learned if I don't eat, my gall bladder doesn't feel like its going to spontaneously combust. My surgery is next week.... PRAISE THE LORD!

I digress. One of our first grade teachers kindly volunteered her her hubby to dress like the Easter Bunny and take pictures with all of the little ones at school. Naturally I jumped at the chance to document torturing my own personal children with oddly dressed strangers. Ha! So I had my sitter bring up Bee and Turtle... Yay for the Easter Bunny!

Is it ok that I am slightly obsessed with my children?

xoxo

Summer