Bless Your Heart!...

Bless your heart! It's a southern term used almost as much as I love you in these parts...but be warned,  should someone ever say that to you, question a.) what you just said/did/didn't do or b.) if you forgot to...say...put on pants.

Reflecting on my summer vacation thus far, I realized today whilst driving like a crazy mad woman on fire responsibly home with Raffi tunes blaring from the back seat of my car all of the 'blessed people' I have come across.  (If you have never heard of Raffi then you are missing out on some quality musical talent my friend!...If you are three.  years.  old.

Bless your heart:
-the nice drive thru lady at Arby's who gave me back two too many pennies (really?!  I've worked drive thru jobs in high school and college.  Counting back change isn't hard.  Especially pennies...)

-the Target employee walking around with your fly wiiiiide open.  Dude, double check yourself!  And no, you're not cool hitting on the soccer mom in spandex that's about 2 sizes too small...uh oh, maybe two bless your hearts are due on this one!

-the 982nd person who stops me in public and comments on how crazy it is that my twins are so identical.  THEY ARE 11 MONTHS APART!  I know that's a hard concept but obviously one is not even near talking and the other one could practically sing Ha Ha Thisaway (Raffi....le sigh...)

-Marketing/Pricing Lords of Walmart and Target and all chain stores that sell toddler underwear and think I'm going to spend more on my daughters panties that she is going to CRAP in than my own underclothes.  You are insane.  Nuts.  Off your rocker.

Potty training is supposed to save us weary mothers MONEY so we can avoid buying pull ups that are already like $89753987 a box so we can afford to get a hair cut more than ONCE a year.  Get my drift?  No?  Look closely at my dead ends...wait, you don't have to squint, clearly my hair is one step closer to horsey HAY.  Seriously, a cow stared at my hair and drooled when we were in Texas...

Side step-- I can't BELIEVE my kiddo is in undies...can you say panic attack??!!

-the creator of pajama jeans.  I can say this, I promise.  Of course I'm from Oklahoma and that should be a given in itself that I have at one time owned a pair.  Don't judge...I was pregnant for TWO years!  By the time I was done blasting babies out of my...business...I had zero fashion sense and awareness of how ginormous my rump had gotten...I was living proof that spandex was most definitely a privilege and the Fashion Police needed to cut up my 'style card.'

-the inventor of these:

That just happened.  Sadly I'm sure the people who are 'such food geniuses' are making quadruple what I make... 

-and finally, wait for it, you ready?  TO THE HOMEOWNERS ASSOCIATION PRESIDENT AND TREASURER who just mailed us an invoice stating we owe them $890 in 'back HOA fees' plus 12% 'late fees'.  Clearly you didn't get the memo.  We have two small children in diapers.  We have only lived in our subdivision for 4 months.  I'm a teacher.  In Oklahoma.  I don't drive a Range Rover.  We don't eat organic grass fed beef a jus with Don Perion every night.  Hell, we probably couldn't even afford a stupid 'hot dog slicer'.  So you can take this sweet little invoice of ya'lls...and shove it in your garbage disposal file it under 'never gonna happen'.  And bless your heart for even having the nerve to waste a stamp on that precious welcome letter.

Bless my heart for even attempting to write with two fussy hungry children...fail...

XOXO Summer

Blueberries and Butterfingers

Mondays suck. Ive always tried to be positive about them but now I know I hate them. 1. Trying to make Fathers Day special for my husband is a useless task. I tried to be a 'thrifty spender' this year. I even went to walmart for heaven's sake. But then Husby checked the bank statement....lets just say he wont be getting much. Just a hug.

 2. Trying to cram blueberries down my 9 month old's throat is like trying to shove a hippo in a Volkswagen. Not gonna happen. 

3. I tried to water my plants in the backyard. The hose hider thing is stupid and I hate it. I was trying go turn the blasted gear to give me more hose and the thing FELL. APART. 

4.  My Real Housewives of NJ didn't record last night. Seriously that breaks my heart. 

 5. I'm attempting a new weight loss method starting today and all I can think about is gummy bears. And snickers bars. And brownies. And sweet tea. And if I shove another piece of lettuce down my shrinking throat I might perish. If this kills me, y'all, someone promise to put a king size butterfingers in my hands when they bury me. 

 Blah. 

XOXO Summer

Chuy-baca

Husby took me out to eat (y'all this only happens like 3 times a year!!) and we chose Chuy's. And blessed be, we loved it!

The inside was super fun, I was convinced each room had a theme and ours was cars because there were license plates and vintage car prints on the walls. And look at the ceiling!

I ordered a number five (enchilada and tostado thingy) and Husby ordered a number nine- whatever that is. 

Poor man, if he knew I was taking his picture he probably would have force fed me one of his jalapeños!  HA!

Anyway. Lunch was amazing and we will definetely be going back!

Happy Eating!

XOXO Summer

Friday Five

Friday Five!

1.  

Rolly Polly totem pole! They clung on to the plant for dear life during the rains and saved themselves from drowning! Smart little buggers!

2.  

I creep on people. So naturally I had to document this. Pretty Wioman has come to Tulsa, y'all!

3.  

Remember Drivers Ed during the summer in high school? This license tag made me chuckle. At least someone had a sense of humor about 16 year olds driving. 

4.  

Be still my heart!

5.  

Scrub a dub dub, Bubba gets a back rub!

Y'all enjoying out amazing weather? I am!!

XOXO Summer

Cloud 9

Sobakawa Cloud Pillow.  Ever heard of it?  Bestie T bought one today and showed me it's amazing pillow-yness.  LOVE!  "It can be heated up or cooled!"  Awesome!  I wish my pillows did that!

We took the 'directions' to the pillow to dinner.  Lucky her, we actually read the instructions and they probably SAVED HER LIFE.  Seriously.

The directions literally say:

The fabric and enclosed beads are flammable.  Do not expose this product to open flames or and direct or indirect high temperature ignition source such as burning operations...

Our jaws dropped by this point.  A PILLOW is flammable?!  Is that even legal?  Then she kept reading:

Once ignited, fabric will burn rapidly  releasing great heat and consuming oxygen at a high rate.  

Oh great!  Please buy two more!  I can't believe you spent $40 on one of these death clouds!

In an enclosed space (like a bedroom?!) the resulting deficiency of oxygen will present a danger of suffocation to the occupants.   Amazing.

Hazardous gasses released by the burning fabric can be incapacitating or fatal to human beings if inhaled in sufficient quantities.  WTF!?!?

The pillow's  warning label continues to caution that no one under the age of 14 should use this pillow.  I'm assuming the pillow company imagines some responsible kid using it?  They need to realize something about the consumers they sell these pillows of heaven to.  Bestie T once tried to cook couscous in a rubbermaid container in a microwave.  True story.  I'm not sure if she meets the requirements of the "14 and up rule."  Just sayin.

In all fairness to my sweet Love, she has had a ghastly time trying to sleep and I truly hope this pillow helps more than it harms.  I laid my head down on it this afternoon and it was comfortably divine!  I just hope the dear girl doesn't go up in a ball of flames!

What flammable things have you encountered today?
XOXO Summer

Wordless Wednesday

 

Done!

Light My Fire!

I am known for attempts at being creative.  I'm a Pinterest junkie (who ISN'T?!) and when I found this:  I was motivated!

Glass Candle Votives:

 (The picture on the left...) 

 I thought a cluster of glass votives would be darling on our backyard patio table.

I had my parent's save a week's worth of glass jars (pickles, jam, relish, olives......) and saved ours.  I soaked the jars in soapy water to remove the sticky labels (but I didn't obsess about sticky residue...these jars were going to live outside on our patio table).

 Rubberband them!  I just bought a random assortment bag for a buck at Target.

Turn them upside down and spray paint them.  I just used whatever white stuff Husby had in the garage.  But I also used a CLEAR sealant spray paint to seal the paint.  Wait a few hours for the paint to dry.

I cut the rubberbands off so I wouldn't mess up the paint patterns.  I bought votive candles (16 in a bag) for a dollar at Dollar Tree.  Voila!

Chokin on my Cheerios...

Living in America is supposed to be a privilege.  People should be able to speak their mind, express themselves, and eat what ever dang cereal they want.  And to the WANKER, IGNORANT, OBNOXIOUS racists out there, go eat a turd...

Cheerios has come out with a commercial that features a interracial family.  A white mother, a black father, and a mixed daughter.  WHO CARES?  They are eating cereal for goodness sake!!!  The little girl is worried about her daddy's cholesterol so she pours the cereal right over her daddy's heart.  Swoon!

When I first saw the commercial, I was touched.  It never occurred to me that the family was 'mixed' or whatever.  Skin is just a color, people.  GET. A. CLUE.  I thought it was sweet that she was worried about her daddy!  Then I just got hungry...and wanted cereal!

When I saw on the Today Show this morning that people have back lashed the commercial, I choked in surprise (I was eating...does this surprise you?!)

To the crap weasel of a woman who said this: "The mom in the commercial is a single mother in the making!"-- Get hit by a train.  Twice.  Thanks.

The moronic brainless person who said "it was disgusting and made me want to vomit".  Please go ahead.  And asphyxiate on it.

And lastly, to all of the close minded WORMS who brought up 'Nazis and racial genocide'-- You live in AMERICA.  If you don't like what's on tv, go read a book.  Perhaps the BIBLE!  Just sayin.  Some people just need a little more Jesus in their lives!  (And cheerios!)

Go get it Cheerios!

Spread some CHEERios today,
XOXO Summer

Mary Mary Quite Contrary

In lieu off attempting to spend more time together, Husby and I decided to be pro landscapers on the south side of our house...here is a brief picture 'story'of our evening together. 

Before... Can't you tell how thrilled to be doing this? Bahahahaha! 

Planting the three shrubs we picked out. Let me interrupt myself and point out his manly garden tool. That's right. It a plastic shovel. With Dora on it. Such a shovel wielding pro!

While Husby and Dora are digging...my job was to find rocks small enough to border the bushes. Low and behold I found the COOLEST caterpillar of. my. life. 

See him, he's almost albino! Fascinating!

I named him Cappy. About this time Husby decided to check out my rock hunt progress....lesson one: don't leave an ADHD person alone with a task wondering around in the woods. A harsh scolding and an enormous amount of rocks later, we got this far:

Lesson two: don't put the mega OCD person in charge of rock placement. It takes THIRTY minutes to make three rocks line up... 

Three Coors Lights later, we called it a night laughing about how we managed to find one rock shaped like Oklahoma, one like Montana (someone--not me-- might need to retake geography, just sayin!), our trusty Dora, and a half completed redneck rock garden. 

We had fun! I can only imagine how tomorrow evening will go! 

How was your Sunday? 

XOXO Summer

Hello, my name is....

Watching the weather last night was an unusual source of entertainment for me. Bear with me, I had been around two children under the age of two allll day!

Husby and I found ourselves fascinated by some of the small town names in Oklahoma. Ones you never hear about (unless a tornado is headed straight towards it...).

Here are some we learned!

Slaughterville (nothing as romantic as a postcard from Slaughterville, Ok!)

Hogshooter (bacon!!!)

Jumbo, an old mining town which ironically has about 11,000 people in it... This is assuming my google researching skills are accurate! 

Cookietown (yes, we are most definetely moving there!)

Okay (which I am assuming is just...well...okay). 

Pink (ohmiword, it is my favorite color! Oklahoma just moved up a notch on my coolness scale!)

And lastly my dear friends, wait for it. I almost died... 

HOOKER. You may now pick your jaw up off the floor.  Are you ready for the super bonus?  Cross your legs so you don't pee!

Their mascot is: Hooker Horny Toads. 

I have no amazing words to follow that one. Just pure elation and relief I was a Stillwater Pioneer. Not quite sure how I would explain Hooker Horny Toad to strangers. I mean, I already throw people through a loop when they first meet me. Why add fuel to that loud mouthed fire??

Happy Saturday! We are watching Pocohantas in our jammies. 

XOXO Summer