Starting with a new favorite of mine...sweaters. Today was Ugly Christmas Sweater day at work. And I rocked it. I do not win at a lot of things in life...ironically today was my day to shine! Who (whom?) ever created such a celebratory occasion should have their own national holiday. Seriously.
And have you checked out Pinterest sweater ideas lately? I could be a millionaire if I managed to create and sell all of the ridiculous ideas!
Next I want to bring up a topic not many Oklahomans experience. Fruit cake. It is very prominent in Europe...many people give it to others during the holiday season as a hostess gift. It's CRAP. No wonder many Europeans are skinny...they are subjected to hard crappy 'cake' with dried bits of yuck crammed in it. No thanks. I'll take the chocolate pecan turtle pie with a butter based crust. And cool whip. American it UP. Oh, are those spandex pants? Excuse me, I need a minute...
Then there's the iconic Christmas Card and 'letter' people send out every year to brag about how amazing their family is and what fantastic feats they have accomplished. "Jimmy won the Nobel Peace Prize in FIFTH grade. Jane got into Princeton on a full scholarship and she just celebrated her thirteenth birthday". News flash. No one cares. Christmas letters should be renamed Competition Crap. If I wrote a letter this year it would read something along the lines of
"Summer survived a near death experience with her gall bladder. Luckily she walked away from that one.
Miraculously the cat is still alive.
Turtle and Bee haven't punched each other to death. Bee potty trained herself in two days...still poops in a diaper. Turtle cries whenever Mommy leaves the room and can outeat his mother and father in one setting.
Husby is still 6'3 and quiet as can be. The End."
Don't even get me started on the cutesy matchy matchy outfits families manage to shove themselves in before a fake smile for the photographer. We are lucky to be wearing clean clothes that aren't inside out or a siblings/spouse's. Like I say. It's survival of the fittest in the Bass household.
| PS- I have NO idea who these kids are...I google imaged it! |
Advent calendars. I was the fat kid that tore through the thing in three minutes devouring the little squares of chocolate not even bothering to count the days...Then I felt Jesus or Santa or SOMEONE shafted me because I had NOTHING to eat everyday til Christmas like my mannerly, calm sister. She was the good kid who had self control and patience. I just ate.
I must tell you a story about fudge sicles. Remind me...that will be another blog for another day. But it's a good one. I promise.
I digress. Advent calendars need timers and locks. Just sayin.
Cars dressed up like reindeer. WHAT? Are you high? That is the stupidest thing I have ever EVER heard of. And people pay money for them! That, my friends, is what is wrong with America.
Unnatural, disturbing blow up/inflatable lawn décor.
Not cute. Not normal. Scary. And the creepy way the characters' faces move in the wind but NEVER change their expression. They just mindlessly float over grass and attempt to look festive. Somewhere in the North Pole, Santa Claus has a bottle of Jack Daniels with his face is in his hands. People will pay the electricity bill to blow up creepy Christmas crap but they won't hang lights?!
My last rant is more one of intrigue. Elf on the Shelf. My Loves are only 2 and 1...too young to grasp the concept. But I love looking at ideas on Pinterest. But some ideas are just....well....insane. These ideas are those adapted from Martha Stewart Moms who drink too many Starbucks Chai Lattes and live in Yoga Pants. If this is you stop reading and just move on to another post. I don't want to upset you...
I clearly have some Christmas work to do!
Feliz Navidad! What Christmas Crap do you do?
XOXO Summer
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