Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Safety First

I did a double take as I was walking by Husby's tv droning on and on and forever on about stupid football.  The screen said "Redskins Safety, Brandon Meriweather, fined $42,000 for hit on Packers QB....".

Dear friends.  It has come to my attention that I am in the WRONG business.  This guy had to dish out more money than I make in a year.  By around $8500.  So I started doing some simple math...If I was the guy that 'got hit' at games, I'd be a millionaire by at least the second half of the first game. 

Call me ignorant, but if all I have to do is stand there 'holding a pigskin' in a fully padded spandex outfit, waiting to get jumped by some decently attractive, muscly men for CASH, I'll do it.  Sign me up.  Front row.  Bells and whistles on.  And extra padding...Especially in the face area...that IS my money maker, after all!

Besides, this Meriweather guy is the 'safety'.  Why is he hitting people?  Shouldn't he be wearing a stop sign and have a whistle or something?  Maybe a 'Caution, wet floor' sign? 

And how hard was the poor quarter back hit that there was a fine of almost half my fantastic TPS teacher salary??  Did the QB get any money out of it?  Any compensation?  Maybe a free t-shirt?

Heck, most of the pro football players are millionaires.  With only a high school education.  I went to college for SIX YEARS and walked away with an "OSU ALUM" cup and a Pistol Pete bumper sticker...And I get puked on and get to pick out head lice for a living.  (Seriously, sent home two sweet angels full of em today!). 

I guess it all works out for the best.  Husby told me part of a player's rehab and rejuvenation after a game is an ice bath.  PASS.  And these guys have to work out and run around...  I consider moving from one side of the couch to the other a full body, strenuous aerobic activity.  It's a miracle if I lift my arm to the remote to change the channel at night...which explains why Husby and I end up watching 45 minutes of Mickey Mouse Club House before he realizes what's going on.  I still hum that blasted "Hot Dog" song in the shower.  Guess I better focus on tee offs and home runs...that's football, right?

 

Crossing my fingers for a promising NFL career someday,
XOXO Summer

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