Blueberries Taste Like...

A literal BLUE man passed away this week. He used a cream a long time ago that had silver in it which in turn caused his skin to turn blue. HOW FASCINATING!

 Unfortunately, he wasn't as receptive to being blue as one would think...In fact, it made him quite blue to be blue. HAHAHA. Lord help me...Sorry, sometimes I just can't control myself... 

Anyways. I got to thinkin'. What else could people eat to turn themselves colors? I mean, if he ate silver and turned blue, would eating gold make you green? What about diamonds? Maybe that would make you glow in the dark?! 

People could be like chameleons! They can eat whatver they want to express how they are feeling! But I would make sure the grumpy people had to eat happy things like Moon Pies and Twinkies to turn sad colors...Just to cheer them up a little. 

 Think of how teachers could use it for classroom management?! "Little Johnny is yellow today because he had to eat a lemon...He chose to throw a chair instead of work quietly..." Now THAT is a situation that might just be worth the $34,000 a year we bring home... 

 Babies would be alllll sorts of colors because they eat crazy pureed baby food. My momma woud have known every time I sneaked a chocolate ice cream bar... I wonder what foods would turn you into a rainbow? 

Channeling my inner Willy Wonka,

XOXO Summer

Beaver Dam

Heaven help me, I just can't save this til Wordless Wednesday. Ah, P-Diddy. I LOVE you. 

XOXO Summer

Friday Five CM Style

My Granddaddy was a great man. Here's 'his Friday Five'

1.  He loved lemon cake. Actually anything iced or covered in ice cream. Granddad considered dessert a main course, often eating more cobbler than roast on Sundays. 

2.  Granddad could fix anything. His shop was full of the COOLEST stuff. He had this metal oscillating fan that could probably decapitate something. He enjoyed fixing stuff with my Daddy and Uncle Chuck. Mainly because Granddad fathered two girls. Who went on to also have two girls each.  So naturally Granddad needed some men around to do man things with. I say that....one time he did repair one of my Barbies with super glue and a dowel rod...

3.  He dressed to the nines at all times. And ate the same thing everyday for breakfast. And listened to Paul Harvey on the radio. 

4.  Grandddad had a beautiful garden. Sunflowers, okra, squash, zinnias, tomatoes... Running through his garden every summer was quite fun!

5.  Granddad was a patient man. He was the one who sat me down in his chair he always sat in and taught me 'over, under and through the loop,,,'. God bless him, I don't think I'll have the patience he had to teach my kiddos. 

Ok we'll do a few more. There's a lot of ground to cover when one lives to be 97!

6.  Granddad's cooking was humorously limited to 'Granddaddy applesauce' and black coffee with toast and poached eggs with a splash of vinegar. 

Granddaddy applesauce is good ol applesauce with a handful of redhot candies poured in. Quite tasty!!!

7.  Granddad was healthy and tough as a horse.  The man survived a viscous battle of prostate cancer in the 90's. His first and only surgery was just a few years ago- gall bladder removal. The crazy thing is that his doctor did some heart tests prior to his surgery because of his age... And discovered at some point my granddad had had a heart attack. And never knew it!  Told you he was tough. 

8.  In Granddad's later years, he'd tell you his best friend was my parents dog-- Scooter. They loved napping in the sun and sharing a box of pecan Sandies.  Scooter didn't care if Granddad was a little slow getting around. Scooter was slow too. 

They shared many stories and quiet moments. Scooter and Granddad had sleepovers all the time. I think Granddad loved him so much because Scooter was a quiet, soft soul just as Granddad was. 

9.  Granddad always had Wrigley's spearmint gum. Always.  

10.  My Granddad had a stellar sense if humor. His favorite part of the newspaper was the 'funnies'. And he always made sure he read Peanuts and Marmaduke. 

Granddad, I know you are up there eating pie and cookies with Scooter. Take good care of him, he has missed you. And please don't worry about Mom. You raised strong women!

Missing your laugh,

XOXO Summer

Can't Fix Stupid

Seriously. 

Ironically, you get a complimentary serving of Hepatitis C with any tattoo or piercing by this wanker. Nothing says 'classy advertising' quite like spray paint and ply wood. 

My face. I didn't know Bee was taking a picture. Obviously. 

WTF. I don't even know how to explain this one. 

How was your Thursday? 

XOXO Summer

Safety First

I did a double take as I was walking by Husby's tv droning on and on and forever on about stupid football.  The screen said "Redskins Safety, Brandon Meriweather, fined $42,000 for hit on Packers QB....".

Dear friends.  It has come to my attention that I am in the WRONG business.  This guy had to dish out more money than I make in a year.  By around $8500.  So I started doing some simple math...If I was the guy that 'got hit' at games, I'd be a millionaire by at least the second half of the first game. 

Call me ignorant, but if all I have to do is stand there 'holding a pigskin' in a fully padded spandex outfit, waiting to get jumped by some decently attractive, muscly men for CASH, I'll do it.  Sign me up.  Front row.  Bells and whistles on.  And extra padding...Especially in the face area...that IS my money maker, after all!

Besides, this Meriweather guy is the 'safety'.  Why is he hitting people?  Shouldn't he be wearing a stop sign and have a whistle or something?  Maybe a 'Caution, wet floor' sign? 

And how hard was the poor quarter back hit that there was a fine of almost half my fantastic TPS teacher salary??  Did the QB get any money out of it?  Any compensation?  Maybe a free t-shirt?

Heck, most of the pro football players are millionaires.  With only a high school education.  I went to college for SIX YEARS and walked away with an "OSU ALUM" cup and a Pistol Pete bumper sticker...And I get puked on and get to pick out head lice for a living.  (Seriously, sent home two sweet angels full of em today!). 

I guess it all works out for the best.  Husby told me part of a player's rehab and rejuvenation after a game is an ice bath.  PASS.  And these guys have to work out and run around...  I consider moving from one side of the couch to the other a full body, strenuous aerobic activity.  It's a miracle if I lift my arm to the remote to change the channel at night...which explains why Husby and I end up watching 45 minutes of Mickey Mouse Club House before he realizes what's going on.  I still hum that blasted "Hot Dog" song in the shower.  Guess I better focus on tee offs and home runs...that's football, right?

 

Crossing my fingers for a promising NFL career someday,
XOXO Summer

Thrifty Thursday

So Bestie K and Bestie Red and I were poking around Sams Club today. Here's a brief synopsis of our adventures. 

What you can't clearly see is this lady's hair matches her bright OSU orange handbag. 

Purple perfection! Hair matches flattering shirt. I cannot contain my excitement. 

On a side note, people always ask me how I manage to creep on people unsuspected. Here's an unedited shot. Don't judge me by my double chin. 

I sampled EVERYTHING. 

And I compared pineapple sizes. 

After our lovely 46 minute wait on the pharmacy.... And I had sampled every sample....twice.... We headed to Subway to gear up for Back to SchoolNight. 

How did you survive your Thursday? 

XOXO Summer

 

 

Wordless Wednesday

XOXO Summer

Lesson Learned

I was recovering from a not so hot Monday this morning. I even had time to get a diet coke at QT. Then this happened. 

MAN, I am glad I didn't pack an extra outfit AGAIN TODAY. Bah!

XOXO Summer

Stick my finger in my eye 2

Here's a list I have compiled on why I HATE Mondays. Loathe them. Wish they were omitted from all calendars. 

1.  My sunglasses broke. This tragedy is doubly sad due to the fact that I have had them longer than 6 months. It's a miracle. And now I have to find another pair to fit my awkwardly round head. Sigh. 

2.  As I was dropping Bee and Turtle off at the sitter's this morning, Bee literally projectile vomited allllllll over me. Here's a fun fact. Not only did it make it on my face, shirt, and hair, but I failed to pack an extra shirt. Which clearly is something I should have been doing. Fail. 

3.  Eating lunch today was not a challenge. Keeping it down, however, was a different situation. I was sitting next to a friend who vividly explained to me why his 'Gramma' had no teeth and how she ate. And every time I moved my head all I could smell was Bee's barf. GAG. 

4. I realized on the way home from school that we need a new humidifier for Turtle. I accidentally broke his last night trying to refill it. It's not my fault I have T-Rex arms!!! 

5.  I looked at myself in the mirror upon walking through the door about seven minutes ago. And I wasn't sure if I should laugh or cry?! My attempt at new blue eye makeup has melted into suspicious looking under eye black eye circles. Fail. And my attempt at a hair style flew out the window at some point. I look like a balding man trying a comb over for the first time ever. Ugh. 

Cheers to Monday. Whatever. 

XOXO Summer

Turkey Day

"Want to go hike Turkey Mountain with us?" 

What an innocent question.  What an innocent name for a mountain.  How tame.  Small.  Fluffy almost.  So when I pulled up to the "Turkey Mountain Urban Wilderness Park" I had to put my eyes back in my head and resist the urge to turn around.

Clearly a before pic...

  Turkey Mountain is, in fact, a GINORMOUS trek that should not be attempted by anyone 'not so fit'.  I say that...We were passed by a family...and while Sweet Kendra and I were huffing, puffing and wheezing-- death grips on poor trees to hold us up-- a man carrying a toddler all but floated by. 

Let's start from the beginning.  How enthusiastic we were!  We marched up to the giant map and assessed our 'trekking options'.  That's when things got serious.  The PINK trail is 5.7 MILES.  The innocent map states that that trail takes 2-3 hours on foot.  PASS.  Ironically there are 2 other trails that say the same thing!  We opt for the BLUE trail.  Had I really read the map before our hike, I would have known better...

 

Off we go!  UP "Lipbuster" hill (which should really be named "big horrendous torture hill").  Our three athletic friends happily hiked.  Kendra and I made it a good ten feet then realized just how many Weight Watchers activity points we were actually going to bank today!

 

Past "Jelly Legs; Meat Grinder, Snake; and Bomb Cellar" we go.  People swish by on mountain bikes.  Dogs happily bark!  We are truly enjoying ourselves...after the stinging burning feeling in our thighs resorts to an awkward, achy numbness of exhaustion. 

 

 

 

An hour into our Urban Wilderness escapade, we realize we made a wrong turn amidst the forest that is Turkey Mountain.  I resorted to stuffing my water bottle in my shirt to cool off...Kendra sat down.  Rach, Steph, and Amy just smiled.  Remind me to start doing lunges and aerobic activities daily...

 

Back on our own trail we have made, a calmness sets in.  A breeze blows and leaves swirl around us.  I know that sounds ridiculous but we all seriously had a moment with nature and God.  It was AWESOME.  So was the view!

 

 

LOOOOVE them!



We made it down the mountain and I felt quite accomplished.  My entire lower body was on FIRE and breathing was optional at that point.  But it was worth it!




Turkey Mountain, you were brutal.  But you were also beautiful.  Thank you!

PS- I never got to see a turkey.  You can imagine my disappointment...


Aleve and Icy Hot are my night cap of choice tonight!
XOXO Summer





Friday Five

1.  

Y'all these are bites from heaven! Imagine if a Cheeto Puff and Goldfish cracker had babies. YUMMO! And you get 41 for 4 WW points! Holla!

2.  

School has started. Painful shoes have been broken in. I found this genius product in the first aid/band aid aisle of Target. It's four bucks cheaper than the BandAid brand and works like a charm! Just rub it on your foot where your shoe rubs and voila! Fragrance free, smooth relief!  (It's the size if a deodorant stick). 

3.  

Nothing says 'serial killer in disguise' quite like this 'family fun and fitness' cd. 

4. 

Our 'About Me' unit wrapped up today. My new, super fabulous aide gave me an awesome idea! Kiddos used team work and traced each others' hands. LOVED it. And these friends decided to add monster finger nails. Ah, how I love my job. 

5.  

Ha-larious!

TGIF, y'all!

XOXO Summer

Wordless Wednesday

Worst coupon ever! (Read the fine lines. The coupon expires on Halloween). Anyone up for a $200 off a funeral??

Penny pinching in every way!

XOXO Summer

Just keep swimming...

Diana Nyad swam from Cuba to Florida all by herself. For 53 hours. Without a shark cage. She is SIXTY FOUR. 

Dear friends. Let me explain something to ya'll. I'm 28 years old. Decently healthy and quite ambitious. But I promise you, never in my years have I, nor will I desire to do such a ludicrous thing. 

Sixty four. That's 6 and 1/2 decades. 

Here's my grand list of things I hope to achieve by then. If I survive to be that 'old'. (NOT saying that is old! Just saying it's an age). 

1. Drive a car cooler than a minivan.

 2. Be a size 4. Ha ha. Hey, I can dream! 

3. Be married for a loooooong time. I'm a good cook. That's 'Husby' insurance.

 4. Finish an entire tube of chap stick without losing it. Or washing it. Or having Bee or the dog devour it. Or leaving it in the car to melt.

 5. Making ramen noodles without screwing it up. Isn't that fascinating?! I cannot for the life of me make them successfully. Husby gives me drama about it every time. 

6. Pay off all my credit cards...Or some...or just enough to keep on shopping! 

7. Sleep in. 

And lastly, 8. Bring laughter to everyone I meet.

 I must say, some of these things on my list are a tad 'out there' and perhaps unreachable. But Miss Diana swam from one continent to another. Surely I can achieve something...I'll start with a new tube of Lip Smackers! 

 Reach for the stars! Or whatever... XOXO Summer

All in a days' work...

If I told you how my "Monday" was, you wouldn't believe me.  Seriously.

When I get to school, I find out my crack pot of a substitute on Friday (I was in NM) put car rider children on the bus after school 'because they told her they rode it home'.  YOU IDIOT.  They are four.  They could have told you they ate cotton candy for lunch and you would have fed it to them!  Why don't we just move on to under age drinking!!!!!!!  My lesson plans specifically told you who rode the bus.  Three different teachers told you.  My bus rider list is posted on my door.  I HIGHLIGHTED who rode the bus in my lesson plans for you.  Clearly you missed the 'read lesson plans and listen to adults and not 4 year olds' training day at substitute camp!

At around 9 am Husby shoots me a pic of a guy 'lying in his drive way' on the way to one of his stops today.  We shall have to watch the news tonight to see if he was just napping or a victim of a drive by.  That sorta freaked me out.  By sorta I mean 548%.

Lunch goes smoothly until I take one of my final bites of my PB&J only to discover I have been eating a moldy sandwich.  GAG.  I'd like to point out that I am allergic to penicillin.  So is my aide.  I may have screwed myself.

I joyfully munch down a handful of M&M's from fellow pre-k teacher's candy stash before math at 1 pm.  That's when the intercom buzzed and the school heard our terrified secretary's voice "This is a lockdown, this is not a drill". 

I would now like to inform you of what it's like to cram FORTY 4 year olds and four adults in a tiny closet.  I cannot think of a more pleasant experience.  It's quite like donating blood.  To a vampire.  Or eating burnt toast with spoiled mayo.  Or doing the dishes after they have sat in a house that hasn't been ventilated in 3 years. 

The highlight of our closet adventure was thinking someone was in our classroom next door (I heard what sounded like chairs being thrown) but much to my relief it was just a precious friend banging on some metal art drying rack thing in our 'roomy, ventilated' secure closet. 

Our intercom system doesn't work in the closet.  We have no cell phone service in there.  And we can't hear a thing in the 'outside' world.  Then one kid bends over and all but craps her pants.  Then another friend gets anxiety gas.  And I duck my head in one of my fellow colleague's arm pit because I cannot handle the smell.  It's like the kids are tooting to the song Jingle Bells. 

Finally our secretary comes to rescue us.  The cops caught the crazy man and we are 'safe' again.  My principal picked a lousy day to be at an all day meeting off campus.

On my way home, a woman on the highway gets 'slightly agitated' at me and decides to tail gate me.  Now, ya'll know  how I am on the road.  If you cut me off or ride my tail, I'm going to freak out.  I slammed on my  brakes and after this classy woman shows me how many middle fingers she has, she decides to take out her cell phone and take a picture of my license tag.  Get it girl.  You turn me into the cops. Tell them you rode my rear for three miles, almost swerved into oncoming traffic trying to 'document' how ridiculous you are, and flipped me off more times than I've eaten a Twinkie in the past week.  And once you are done creating negative energy in my bubble, please go choke on something.  Thanks.

How was your Monday Tuesday?
XOXO Summer