Mile High Club

On my list of terrifying things in my life, flying on a plane is number one. Flying alone isn't even on that list because its in a twisted category all of its own. 

So here I sit in the Tulsa Airport. Waiting to board a plane. Alone. OMG. 

I'm flying to NM to see my family and attend my sweet cousin's wedding. I thought I was a 'big girl' and could do this. Until today. 

My endearing father tells me on the phone this morning: you've had two babies. That's scary and you did it. 

Dearest Daddy. Let me explain something to you. I was NUMB, drugged, and I had Dr. Ross there to tell me what to do. I'm 200% sure he isn't going to hold my hand on the plane all the way to Albuquerque. 

My list grows as I sit. What if I get lost in DFW and miss my connecting flight?

What if I get mugged?

If I have to potty, will the airplane toilet suck me in?!

What if I have an upset stomach. And there's turbulence. And I can't leave my seat.  

What if they don't feed me on the plane? Or they pass out peanuts instead of pretzels?!

What if I am next to a stinky fat guy who has never showered and attempts to talk to me with garlic breath. I. Will. Die. 

2 diet cokes, a lorazepam, and chocolate muffin later I sit at Gate 27 awaiting my fate. Then I turn around. Holy mother of all that is fuzzy. 

What if I get stuck sitting next to the crazy cat lady???

God bless America. 

XOXO Summer

Pre-K Day 1

Today was my first day with my Littles. Here's what I learned:

 1. "I don't like tomatoes." Why? "They are juicy."

 2. Tacos are NOT meant for food fights, despite one little angel's attempt. 

3. Do we talk at nap time? YES, apparently. 

4. Pre-K Kiddos are surprisingly amazing at lining up! BLEW my mind! (Normally it takes forever for them to master this!) 

5. Being the only one singing a song and having 20 little pairs of eyes watching you is unnerving in the highest degree. And I can't sing. Double awkward. 

We shall see what tomorrow brings! 

Relieved today has gone smoothly! 

XOXO Summer

Drive Thru

To the man next to me in traffic who just watched me caveman devour my Braums burger: if you had a day or WEEK as fantastic as mine, you'd probably feel so bad for me you would have bought my meal. Not watch in horror as I inhale cheesy bacon deliciousness just like the old school Carls Jr. commercials...minus Jessica Simpson or any other 'hot girl'. 

I digress. 

Let's start with just today. Shall we?  It was the first day of school. But Pre-K teachers assess students the first two days. So I spent my day in an uncooled (thank you TPS) classroom coaxing frightened children to tell me their names...colors...and observe how they do away from their parents. You can imagine my pure delight when one friend wouldn't come out from under the table. I had to assess him crouched on the floor. Sweating. In a dress. Fun. My colleague walked by my room and literally did a double take. 

There was a sweet boy who spoke not alick  of English. The only way to coax him to go with me was to ask him if he wanted candy. In Spanish. Which is not my native tongue by any means. So he probably thought I was offering him floor wax instead of a Rollo but whatever. He followed. 

I did learn so much about my little Loves and I'm excited to start a new year without being in labor. But I'm already exhausted. And that was just today. Let me rewind for you. 

Turtle's birthday was celebrated at Urgent Care due to the 'hand foot and mouth disease' he contracted from the birthday party I threw him this past Saturday.

What a fun party favor! I had to call all of my friends and explain to them the lovely herpes like rash all over their children's bodies is just HFM disease. No big deal.

 

I was assured the wonderful side effects would 'wear off on their own'. Nice. Still waiting. So are alllll the other kids who came. Do you think it would be crass for me to invite them to Bee's 2nd birthday in literally four weeks?  I could offer bubble suits to wear. Ugh. 

And one would think my story is done. But alas it is not. Let me rewind some more to Saturday. I'll just give you the highlights. Turtle had a splendid birthday ony to be overshadowed by Bee's raving UTI. FOUR HOURS in Urgent Care, flat tire, hunt for a pharmacy that is open an carries the 'rare antibiotic' prescribed, and an extremely feverish toddler later, I am able to collapse into sleep only to relive how they strapped 'pee bags' to my poor baby girl because she refused to provide a pee sample. Twice. 

Yesterday I waited patiently at the Sams Club pharmacy for two hours. And walked out with so many prescriptions they actually offered me a bag. 

YOU trying to explain to a stranger that you are picking up RX's for three different people. With these birthdays: 8/21; 9/21; and  01/21. Oh and two of these people are 'Zach'. You're welcome.

What will next week bring?!

Hoping a stranger will buy me a burger...(NOT in a creepy way...)

XOXO Summer

Wordless Wednesday

Sign me UP. Not. 

XOXO Summer

Snail's Tail

True story, ya'll.  A 4 year old pulled a snail out of his knee.  When I read this article this afternoon, I about passed out.  There are so many questions!

Here's the article:
http://gma.yahoo.com/blogs/abc-blogs/boy-cuts-knee-snail-emerges-3-weeks-later-211634917.html

First off, I must say, I'm proud of the kid for not panicking.  Had I pulled a shelled animal (insect?) out of any body part let it be known I would just curl up and die.  In my own pool of vomit.

Second of all, these people kept the snail.  And named it.  Turbo.  I don't know if I should be shocked or amazed.

And lastly, they said they put antibiotic ointment on his 'scrape' when the kid got hurt.  At what point did the 'antibiotic' ointment STOP working?!  Was it expired?!  I thought that stupid petroleum like jelly goo was supposed to PREVENT infections.  And small animals from creeping into body orifices.  Including wound orifices.  Clearly next time I am injured I shall just let the wound fester and see what crazy animal I can grow?  You with me?

Clearly paranoid and freaked,
XOXO Summer

A is for Apple

It's that time of year again.  "Bestie K" and I sat scarfing down our Subway sandwiches and reflecting on what 'excites' a teacher.  Here's our grand list!

You know you're a teacher when:

You correct children at Wal-Mart.  Stranger's children.  The kid in the card aisle who is screaming, flailing, and running who should know better.  A few dirty glares might also be common...

The smell of a new box of crayons gives you goosebumps.

You leave school for the day, and lock your classroom with your house key.  Every.  Day.

You literally give a ROUND of applause at a sporting event, concert, or dance recital....

You can name 15 uses for corn starch.  Or salt.  Or what stains a Clorox Wipe can remove.  Or hair spray.

You accidentally have 3 Sharpies or Vis A Vis in your purse.

"Teacher Talk" to your significant other.  I cannot tell you how many times I have asked Husby if he has to "go potty one more time" before we leave our house.  I wish I could document the look he gives me.

You horde immense amounts of post its.  Or note pads.  Or Expo markers.

You correct people's grammar.  Always.  Including your Mother.

Coloring books become amazing (and cheap) therapy.  Until you realize said Husby is a better color-er than you.

At a fancy restaurant, much to your dining companion's horror, you give a cheer when you find out they have light ranch.

You line your groceries up in ABC order when you check out at the grocery store.

You re-read Charlotte's Web every year just 'cause.

That's my list!  What makes you a teacher?
XOXO Summer

Reflection Pool

I've learned some things this week:

1.  2nd degree hot glue gun burns hurt worse than childbirth. For real. 

2.  Hamsters can eat a surprisingly variety of toddler snacks...and not die...or puke...or explode...

3.  Help friends in need. Even if you are hesitant or reluctant at first, you never know when you will need help. 

4.  Don't underestimate the walking speed of senior citizens. EVER. Bee went with me to return some too big clothes at the Promenade Mall this morning. And my forever running toddler and I almost got plowed over by this guy.

 

He even has a cane. Do you see it? One elderly couple LAPPED us. Twice. 

5.  Don't buy health food and eat it in front of your Husby. He will think it's Doritos. And eat half the bag. In one setting. UGH. 

6.  Saw this today and realized the key to American obesity. 

Strawberry Pop Tart Ice Cream Sandwich. Gross. Yet intriguing. 

7.  Leopard print isn't for everyone. That's right. I took one for the team. 

8.  When your husband asks you for a 'new insurance card for the car just cause' that's code for "I was hauling it down the highway you always warned me about and finally got caught and didn't even have updated insurance...oops!"  Yeah. That might have happened. So much for my amazing teacher bonus -thank you TPS- for the seven dollars. I digress. 

What have you learned this week?

XOXO Summer

 

Friday Five!

This week is all about things that make me happy!

1. I've lost a significant amount of weight. I bribed (with breakfast) a sweet dear friend to endure the task of helpng a stumpy, oddly proportioned, curvy girl find new pants. Yes most run away screaming. Even my mama has been known to up and leave a store because I can't find just the right cut. But this girl stuck it out with me so I gave her quite a show in the changing room.  You're welcome. Oh and we showed up in our own cars. Wearing blue jeans and black v-neck tops. That's right. Twinkles the whole day. All the way down to our black and sliver flip flops. Oh man. 

Wild thing emo pants.  Clearly leopard print ISN'T for everyone. 

If you can't tell by my retarded expression, these sweet pantaloons came up. to. my. chin. 

When I decide to take up Flamenco dancing- and I will, I will most definitely be wearing this. It was more 3-D than a rubric cube. 

2. 

I was researching hamsters since we've adopted PJ and came across this 'cuddly' thing. A hairless rat. Does one feed those to snakes who have indigestion? Freak me out. 

3.   

I love bacon more than anything. So that's a pretty strong commitment right there. 

4.  

I've always joked about my T-Rex arms. Then this happened. I love how proportionate this fierce beast is. Ha ha. 

5.  

Sneaky snake! Some people must think they really do own Harry Potter's invisibility cloak. And hide under a bridge. Good luck son. Don't get mugged by a Tusa hobo. 

And lastly I leave you with a Turtle exclusive. This boy cannot get over his addiction to pasta. Or food in general. 

I spy with my little eye a bow tie on a.... shoulder??

Happy Friday my dear friends! Ill be sweating my make up...and other things... off working in my classroom. What are your glamorous plans?

XOXO Summer

Buger Booger

Best day of my life y'all. Seriously. This 'typo' is life changing. In every way. 

What do you want on your burger?

XOXO Summer