Chicken for Dummies

My cousin texted me last week...."Is organic chocken broth supposed to taste like fish?"

I'm sorry.  What?  Ya'll, that's the weirdest thing she has EVER said to me, and we have had our fair share of conversations. 

First off, props to her for stepping up and consciously making healthy choices for her and her sweet family.  Second off, NO, please don't buy it again.  Seriously.

Eating organic isn't supposed to be weird...or painful.  It's supposed to make you feel good about what you put in your body.  If your babe is asking you why the chicken and dumplings taste like penguin a la mode from the zoo exhibit, re-evaluate your pantry.

I told her what I tell everybody.  I make my own chicken broth.  WHAT?  How long does that take?  Don't you have guts and stuff to mess with?  Don't you have to quarter the bird then truss it and blah blah NO.  Here are a few steps that will hopefully help you live your life a little saner and less....fishy.... ha!

1.  Buy a decent sized crock pot.  I use it to cook ALL OF MY CHICKEN.  Shredded chicken breast for enchiladas?  Pot it.  Chicken and noodles chicken?  Pot it.  Seriously.  It's easy.

        *I normally put 3-4 frozen chicken breasts in my crock pot with necessary spices and just a splash (like 1/3 cup) of a liquid....normally water...sometimes wine/water mix....It's whatever....The chicken cooks on low for 6-8 hrs.  You'll know it/s done because it will literally fall apart when you poke it with tongs.*

2.  Don't be afraid to get down and dirty.  If you buy a quality brand bird, you won't have a lot of GROSS slimy chicken...bits....to handle.  And  I have never, ever had to deal with the guts of a chicken like you do when you have a turkey.

3.  Do your homework.  Prep is key here.  If you are just making a chicken to get shredded meat to have on hand, simple spices will do.  Maybe a lemon, quartered and some salt and pepper.  A bay leaf?  

Chicken is a mild meat, it takes on whatever flavors you throw at it so don't be afraid to get creative.  Don't be scared.  Hell, if you have already served your family penguin grade chicken stew, you can't really get much further down the well of feasting failures-- LOVE YOU CUZ!  Seriously, spices will serve you well if you play around with them to get the right mix.

4.  Save your jars.  I always save my glass pasta sauce jars.  I have always been able to put them in the dishwasher and reuse them over and over again.  Or you can use Mason Jars.  It's whatever. 

You'll see why you need them in the end..

5.  Here's the down and dirty:
         a.  place your bird breast side down (only if it's a big chicken-- like it takes all your strength to wrangle the thing into your crockpot...think Monica and Chandler off of FRIENDS)

 

 or rump side down in your crock pot. 
      
       b.  Season with whatever you scrape out of the bowels of your spice cabinet. 
       c.  A little liquid.  Not much.  When the chicken cooks, it releases it's own juices which shall be said chicken stock.
       d.  Make sure it cooks for a good 6-8 hrs. on low.  I have a mighty powerful crockpot (THANK YOU Grandmother!  She knew what she was doing 8 years ago!!) so low is really like a med-low.  It cooks stuff fast.  
      e.  Remove chicken once it's cooked. 

OK, if you want the stock, PAY ATTENTION: 

• Put a big ol bowl in your sink.  Like huge. 
  
  
  
  

  
  
  Big enough for your colander (STRAINER, savvy?) to fit in. 
• Once you remove the chicken, it may fall apart...., pour out the rest of your juice and chicken 'parts' into the strainer and into the bowl.  Does that make sense? 
• You want to KEEP the juices from the crock pot but not the grosso bones.  So once you strain it, you will have a pretty decent amount of liquid in your bowl.  Toss or do whatever with your chicken bones and guts. 
• That chicken liquid is gold!  (Literally, it will shimmer...hahaha).  If you use a whole chicken, you should get a pretty good amount of liquid out of it.  I always add at LEAST 1 cup of water to it to dilute it.  Use your best judgement.  Then you just pour it into your saved glass jars and POOF.  You have organic chicken broth.  BOOM.  You're welcome. 
• Just don't pour all the liquid to the top of the jar....If you freeze them, you will need room for the liquid to expand. 

Friday Five (it's been too long ya'll!!)

Wow I thinks it's literally been a year since I've done a Fiver! Good gracious!

1.  

This stuff is amazing. And expensive. Luckily I found the originally $12 double pack for THREE dollars at Target (and my husband told me nothing there was cheap! Perhaps HE is cheap......) Anyways! It tastes like... Well... Chocolate. Kids love it. And it works! The cough syrup doesn't taste gross like robitussin. Can I get an amen?

2.  

NOT this can o crap. I bought it a while back because the kids were sick. I was hungry and rummaging through the pantry. Super gag nasty. And the pasta? You can't even tell what shapes they are?!? 

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT??

3.  

I need this in my life. I will never take it off. As will I never leave my yoga pants.  Elmo approves. He let me put it in his charge card. 

4.  It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Our newest Netflix obsession. Charlie is my FAVORITE person ever. Like he might even trump Chandler Bing. We shall see. 

5.

YALL. I sweat like the Mexican that I am. And this lovely spray hides it. Best part is that it dries super fast and I never EVER have deodorant marks on my clothes. (Which is near impossible not to do when you have t-Rex arms like I do...the struggle is real. Elmo can't even handle me getting dressed in the morning.)

I hope the weekend is kind to you. I have a bunch of real estate studying to do. Next week, per request, I will teach ya'll how to make super easy chicken stock and haddock. (But not together....awkward....)

TGIF

XOXO Summer

Flushing Nostalgia

     Whilst watching TV last night, a toddler diaper commercial struck a chord with me.  The narrator said something to the effect of "Looking back you wonder where your newborn baby has gone...." 

Still looking?  I have the answer!  The 'nostalgic' time you have spent with your precious darling has been flushed away with this afternoon's feeble attempts at potty training your 2 1/2 year old.  But it's not just memories and fly by the seam of his pants tinkle sprinkle...there's so SO so much more.....

Here's a list of things you may or may not temporarily misplace as your time on this earth continues to revolve around a child...or two.....whose only missions in life is for you to answer WHY and discover an unending bowl of candy...

1.Sick days consist of you retching your brains out in your bathroom with a shocked, scared, symphonic orchestra of toddlers howling at your every gag.  Once they realize you aren't dead, they make a great game called "Puke Mommy" and continue to re-enact your grand performance, yet five scales higher and 10 times grosser.  Oh, and now it's funny.  (Clearly you will find it funny in 10 years.  You will.  Never mind you now pee your pants every time you puke.  That can beyour (and your washing machine's) dirty secret.

2.  Taking a shower until the hot water runs out.  Or a bath.  Only water left after 4 loads of laundry, 2 runs of dish washer and two toddler bathing sessions is water good enough to pour into you dog's water bowl.  There's times I've contemplated outdoor bathing....then I think how our poor neighbors are already concinved I'm mentally unstable.  So I'll take my chances of stepping on soggy used wash cloths and SHARP edged plastic dinosaurs in the tub.  *sigh*

3.  Yoga pants were sanctioned strictly for YOGA.  Namaste.  Boom, you have 5 minutes to get out the door to drop you daughter off to preschool (and it's that kind of school where mom's evaluate you by what you drive, wear, and dress your precious girl in).  It's safe to say this little group of "Hollister Hoes" has judged me and now just take pity on my lack of shower, full set of gel nails, and Tory Burch house shoes.  In fact, I think they just accept me as the broken Barbie that I am.  Hell, last week one of the staff hesitated dropping Bee off to me after class because she didn't know I was her mom.  THIS HAPPENED.  Back to yoga pants.  They stretch.  They are comfy.  They match all of my t-shirts.  And I now LIVE in them.  Want me to grab an afternoon glass of pinor?  Sure, let me grab my Lycra.  Cause you know, I work out.  Or whatever.

4.  You can NOW tell the difference between toddler and dog pee.  It takes a special kind of mom (and kids..and pets....) to get into that club.  I've been in it for a while.

5.  Your super suped up "Game Day" football pride TV is permanently set to Disney Jr.  AND your 3 year old knows how to use the remote better than your own parents.  I'm serious.  Last year, Miss Bee ordered some premium hockey package for $200.  We were charged.  Had no idea.  Only when I convinced the DirecTV people we 'were Oklahoman and could give two shits about sticks and pucks' were we reimbursed.  Who knew?  Who knew you could sing then ENTIRE Mickey Mouse song on your own.  Or find Peppa Pig on Nick Jr with your eyes closed.  It's a gift, ya'll.

6.  Shaving your legs becomes your best weekly accomplishment.  Seriously.

7.  You are in line in the grocery store (kids are with Dad on an adventure of their own) and you keep humming a catchy tune in your head.  You're so good at it!  WHERE have you heard this song??? MY SWEET BABY JESUS.  It's the alphabet song.  And you all but whoooped and hollered it in the checkout line of Whole Foods.  Then I realize my cashier is a very tall, masculine built "Pauline" wearing purple makeup to match his-her-his? ensemble???!!!!  I wonder if he/she knows the alphabet song? I'll ask next time . I will keep me from asking the most asinine questions I want to speak but know I will melt in a pool of shame once asked.

8.  Your technology skills are all but flushed also.  Don't believe me?  Well, don't call me when your kid locks your phone and you know know how to answer it and you boss calls you three times.......

Obviously there are awesome things about being a parent, I'm a little too tired to recall them now..

Happy Flushing!
XOXO Summer

Jesus and Butter

Today we celebrated the life of my Grandaddy's last sister.  The end of an era. And it has made me realize something. The generation of jello mold salads and homemade pecan pie is slowly, sadly dwindling. And that's devastating. 

When my Granddaddy was alive everyone sat at the table Sunday afternoon and ate roast and carrots. And no cell phones existed. People had real conversation and real butter. And they prayed. 

Looking around at the amazing lunch provided for us by the sweet ladies at the same church that has raised my grandparents, survived multiple tornadoes, and given heartfelt services for so many families, it is an overwhelming emotion. 

No where else but a tiny town in Oklahoma will you find Jesus, potato casserole, and four homemade pecan pies in one setting  

What will we do when this entire generation goes to visit the Good Lord? Who will make the ambrosia jello salad? The Bible thumping lectures? Tell the amazing stories of rose gardens, eating your pet duck (because 'they were farm animals), and how back then people paid cash for their cars? And houses?

I can only imagine what people will say about me when I go. Will I live to be 97 like my grandparents? Will someone bring pie? Please make sure someone buries me with bacon. 

Amen yall. 

XOXO Summer