Lather, Rinse, Pray, Repeat.

It's two days til my surgery and unbeknownst to me, a shadow has been looming over me.  Today it made its' grand appearance.  In my shower. 

I kept telling myself in these past few days that "I've had surgery before and everything has been fine.  Doctors are smarter than me and they know what they're doing.  I didn't freak out like this when I had my gall bladder taken out (come to find out there's waaaaaaaay more to that surgery than my vsg!) so why freak out now?!"  All that positive self talk jazz.

Tonight I kissed my children goodnight for the last time for (at least ) 4 days and went to my hot, waiting shower.  And I fell apart.  I cried and I cried and I cried and I sobbed and I prayed and I prayed and I prayed. 

Then my entire life in this house all made sense.  It was less than 6 years ago I found God again and he made my world right side up.  And in this shower I have prayed my hardest I have ever prayed for anything-- just me, God and hot water washing away tears.  Tears for....  Lost jobs.  Lost babies.  Lost (almost) marriages.  Finding God.  Answered prayers.  Losing Caddy.  Unexpected blessings.  Happy surprises.  Saved marriages.  Pitiful medical diagnosis.  Promising solutions...This shower is my prayer room.  In this steamy, wet rectangle of tile I have poured my heart and soul out into prayer over and over until my lips knew every syllable of every word of what I begged God for.  And he answered every. single. one.  Sometimes not exactly as I had planned but such is life.  This is God's road map.  We are just the exit signs.  Sometimes there's detours. 

In this shower tonight I was so so so scared that something would happen to me during my surgery and recovery.  Turtle clung to me for dear life when I kissed him and sang him his bedtime song.  Bee asked me if I didn't come back who would take her to school in August or sing her 'angels'.  OH.  MY.  GOSH.  That is heavy stuff.  And in that shower I prayed NOT that God would get me through this week, but that he would take care of the hearts of my sweet, innocent children should something go south.  

A wave of emotion washed over me again and I about drowned on tears and water drops, realizing 6 short years ago my grandmother left us to be with Jesus and I was NOT prepared for it.  I was filled with warmth and I knew she was with me.  Was she telling me I was going to be ok?  Are the kids going to be ok?  "WHAT IS GOING TO BE OK?" I cried through the soap and shampoo.  Grandmother always told me Doughty women are strong.  She's right.  That's all the confirmation I needed that everything is going to work out. God will provide for us the best way he knows how to and no matter what storm comes HE will get us through.  She loved and lost so much in her life and yet she died with a smile on her face.  I can only pray the Good Lord grants me that same grace.

I sat there in the shower repeating prayer after prayer, God slowly lifting the nasty fog free from my face and allowing me to see rationally.  As I toweled off I felt 400% better knowing God had heard me.  Thank God for that shower!

As I was getting dressed I could only imagine what 'Come to Jesus' meeting I'll have next in my prayer room but I know no matter what the Father Above has my back!  

Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not me dismayed, for I am your God. 
I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you wiht my righteous right hand.

Where is your prayer room?
XOXO Summer

Long sleeves and skinned knees

If y'all know me personally you would know my struggle with my weight has been in existence since I was. Oh. Eight. And I'm 5'0. Being fun sized has its' perks. And its' pits. Right now I'm dealing with the latter.

The highlight of my year was LOSING 65% of my hair and being diagnosed with PCOS. (Google it. I'm not explaining that hot mess ....). That was when I had had enough. Enough weight watchers points. Enough cussing at my scale like it's the scales' fault I've ballooned. Tired of being embarrassed to be seen in public next to a healthy, fit husband.  I've dusted the proverbial sh*t off my pants and have chosen to rise above feeling sorry for myself.  Skinned knees and hurt fat feelings no more!

Enter 'vertical SLEEVE gastrectomy'.  It sounds weird.  But it's genius.  I have had the blessing of supportive family, friends, and health care professionals.  I have found an ah-mazing doctor in Dallas who will do the surgery.  Next Thursday, I will be put under general anesthesia and 75% of my stomach will be laparoscopic-ally removed and I will be free of my 'fat girl inhibitions'.  NO, this is not my easy way out.  I will still have to maintain a high protein, low carb life style with enough water to sink the Titanic but I will be healthier, thinner, and happier.  (I will also have to be 500% more active but the new treadmill I got for an early birthday present from the Parentals will help me get my life in gear!)

I'm excited to see what the future holds for me and my little family.  I will continue to LOVE my job being a Tulsa Realtor. I'll just be a little (or a LOT) lighter!

Please pray for me, this is the first time I will ever have elective surgery and it's a bit unnerving.  Also, please pray for the dear Hubs.  I've only been able to have protein shakes, water, and a small piece of chicken everyday for the past week and will continue that way until my surgery next Thursday.  I've been less than pleasant!

Sorry for what I said when I was hungry,
XOXO Summer

 2009 After another fun round of WW!

I was at my 'goal weight' and running 3 miles a day!  125 pounds!

 Christmas 2016

 Spring 2017

 Fall 2016

I'm ready for a new me!